Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

Or, when life gives you a naked, wet, dripping Jeffy, make shameful, ruthless fun of him.

So, the 15 July 2009 Family Circus has little Jeffy answering the door naked and telling the unlucky woman on the stoop that his mother is giving him a bath and maybe she ought to come back later.  Ha. Ha.

Funny thing, Jeffy was in the same position as Becky was in the Sunday Funky Winkerbean (yes, that Funky Winkerbean).  Nice to know that if Becky can’t answer the door, we have a dependable substitute:

And there’s always just making fun of the strip (ahem) at hand:

And lest you think the Morgans’ cruise to the Bahamas or Barbados or Bora Bora or Barcelona is going well, think again:

Now with two options!

OPTION 1:  Sexy, sexy, sexy! (yawn)

OPTION 2:  Cruel, cruel, cruel!

[I guess the third option is to skip it altogether.]

(Well, Wolverine is tres cool.  We just saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine at the cheap seats  (one thin buck after 9 PM!)…mmmmmmm.)

Everyone has a little mutant in them; sometimes he just needs a mentor to help let it out. Or talk. Or make fun of a current storyline.  Like “Horndog” and Wolverine.

Or Meddler and Wolverine.

[Yes, you really DO see Hugh’s ass in Wolverine!]

Sure, Sabertooth might be Logan’s brother, but it’s a very obscure fact that Ian Cameron (aka, “Narwhal”) is a distant cousin.

Kind of like the real X-Men, the number of mutants is staggering, particularly at Charterstone (it’s like Professor X’s Home for Craptacular Mutants), including the lovely Toby Cameron, aka “Velour”:

And last but not least, a one-time denizen finds her way back, lost and confused.  So much for being a smarty-pants, eh, “Prodigy”?

Meanwhile, Mary (“Meddler”) just loses it altogether…

…I’m a mashup whore.

I like to think I’m loyal to Rex Morgan (“if I were on a desert island and could only mash one comic strip” sort of thing), but gee whiz, when an exciting, multi-layered, June-bikinied storyline is usurped by unhappily-married young couple, I start looking elsewhere.

Sometimes Judge Parker is fun, particularly when the temperatures are on the rise and shameless hussies like Dixie Julep and Godiva Danube (and even Det. Roberts) are va-va-vooming around.

And while Mary Worth‘s recent plots have been yawners, THIS is how to do an unhappily-married couple!  Throw in an old flame who threatens to trample the last threads of the marriage AND give Mary a stroke! I <3 you, Charley!

Still, Mary is not one to go down without a fight.  Delilah’s welfare was entrusted to her (not that anyone asked, mind you)…

[Ice cream truck courtesy of Crankshaft, whose only redeeming feature has been the appearance of Le Chat Bleu’s earthly-plane counterpart, Barney the DEATH CAT!!]

Mary does have her limits, however.  In the 10 July 2009 strip, her mental prowess fails her at last, and she physically pulls Delilah away from Charley! (Several have speculated that this is known as “Full Contact Meddling.”)

AS IF! Delilah is far too enchanting, and Charley way too horny, to allow a little “yank the skank” (to quote CC’s eloquent Vakar) to get in the way.  And then there’s Chinbeard’s surly cousin to consider…

Looks like Something Is Going To Happen over at Funky Winkerbean.  Comic-book Guy, who’s always looked after Becky while her husband Wally was fighting oversees, or captured or dead, looks more despondent than the usual ‘Beantown denizen.  And Becky is rummaging around for something.

Personally, I don’t care.  But…when CC’s True Fable speculates on Becky’s quest, how could I resist?

Come on…the hair with a messy center part, the oily smile, the smarmy dialog (not even mine!), the boldly-striped, casual shirts…evidently Santa Royale is just up the road a piece from Malibu, where Charlie Harper (Charlie Sheen) holds forth in the hit CBS comedy “Two and a Half Men”.   I guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Oh, and the title?  CC’s irrepressible Dingo notes from the badly-concealed loathing between Mary and Charley in Panel Two:

I’m sorry but the only way for two people to have that much contempt for each other is if they’ve slept together at some point in the past. Maybe he yanked her pearls at the moment of orgasm sending her breasts flying into porcelain swans. Maybe she commented on his “size.” Either way, these two bumped ugly in the night and Delilah had better watch out.

Well, maybe so…

Still, when passions like these diverge, there’s usually no hope for a cordial relationship, much less a friendly one:

Of course, the week plods along, with the highlight being the exchange of telephone numbers.

Normally, this would be IT in a typical Mary Worth storyline, but the appearance of Charley Smith and Mary’s knee-jerk reaction to him is pure, unadulterated Joy.  Well, probably adulterated, in Charley’s case.  Anyway…go, Charley, go!

Stop Mary Worth!

It’s roughly the same thing.  Although I have no love for Delilah “I’m so unhappy with my husband galavanting all over the world for his work, but I can’t talk to him about it,” the past three weeks has been a Worthian Brow-Beating Bonanza, with Mary turning every conversation back to Delilah reconciling with Lawrence:

“Mary, we’re out of toilet paper.”
“Maybe it’s a sign that you and Lawrence should wipe the slate clean and begin again.”

The two have finally ventured out of Mary’s condo for a walk around Charterstone:

“I’d forgotten how lovely Charterstone is, Mary!”
“No less lovely than your love for Lawrence, and his love for you.  Have you forgotten that, too?”

Fortunately, they run into “Charley,” apparently an old flame of Delilah’s, much to Delilah’s delight and Mary’s consternation:

[Our guest-star who is wisely telling Mary to blow it out her ear is one of the cheerleading judges from Judge Parker, dressing down one of the hateful cheerleading moms.]

“Mmmm, I’d love to get in Charley’s pants again.”
“Like when you rifle Lawrence’s pockets for spare change, Delilah?”
“Oh, just shut up and die, Mary.”
“Like your marriage with Lawrence seems to be dying?”

Woo hoo! It’s coming up on Sophie’s cheerleading tryouts…it’s been building ALL week, and there’s a full-color Sunday spread to show her amazing athletic prowess!

Her sparkling self-confidence!

Her bright smile and innovative moves!

What do you mean, “she’s already performed.”?  We’re not going to see anything?

Fine.  Be that way.

We’ll just imagine the worst.

No matter the subject matter, Mark Trail manfully wades into the fray, teaching all of us about the natural world, its creatures and its habitats.   The least we can do is listen quietly and not act like a pack of hyperactive howler monkeys.

I’m looking at you, Rusty.

Well, the Keanes come through on the all-American holiday, chowing down on all-American food and doing all-American things.  The original was published on 4 July 2009, and you can tell by the flag that it was ‘specially created for Indepence Da

The holiday weekend is still alive in Bil and Thel’s mind as they take their brood out to the park, choosing a lovely picnic site directly over an ant colony.  Fortunately, there are only 41 ants in the colony, not counting the queen, so what’s an errant bite here or there?

Unless the ants are the size of terriers! Aaaaiiiiiiiiiyyyy!