{"id":2650,"date":"2009-06-30T10:23:55","date_gmt":"2009-06-30T16:23:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/?p=2650"},"modified":"2009-06-30T17:28:19","modified_gmt":"2009-06-30T23:28:19","slug":"the-sound-of-mary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/?p=2650","title":{"rendered":"“The Sound of Mary”"},"content":{"rendered":"

As if the current Mary Worth<\/em> storyline isn’t turgid enough, with Delilah agonizing over leaving her husband (not too convincingly) and Mary pointing out all the swell parts in the marriage (not too convincingly), a minor detour becomes Something of Great Interest.<\/p>\n

Delilah gives Mary a CD of Rodgers and Hammerstein music. Okay, nice hostess gift. But then the conversation turns to R&H! Mary’s own words: “Rodgers and Hammerstein has a rare, otherworldly quality.”
\n
\nHUH?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Folks at the Comics Curmudgeon speculated on what Mary might find catchy or less esoteric (someone suggested gamelan with theremin accompaniment). Still others felt the need to contribute to the Mary Worth songbook, desecrating the otherworldliness of several tunes from Oklahoma<\/em> (and no, Santa Royale <\/em>just doesn’t scan. I tried.).<\/p>\n

Old School Allie Cat and Sequitur start off with “Oh, Mary’s Ranting Is Boring”:<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a bright golden haze on the meddle,
\nThere\u2019s a bright golden haze on the meddle,
\nThe bullshit\u2019s as high as an elephant\u2019s eye
\nAnd it looks like Delilah is going to cry!<\/p>\n

Oh Mary\u2019s ranting is boring!
\nOh her advice is so lame!
\n\u201cYou should just go back to Lawrence!
\nIt\u2019ll be better that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

All the snarkers are laughing at Mary
\nAll the snarkers toss cracks at Delilah
\nMary wants to feed snacks and show off her wares
\nBut it\u2019s just an old plate of those pink salmon squares!<\/p>\n

Oh Mary\u2019s ranting is boring!
\nOh her advice is so lame!
\n\u201cYou should just go back to Lawrence!
\nIt\u2019ll be better that way.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Followed by yours truly’s “Casserole with the Chips on the Top”:<\/p>\n

Wilbur \u2018n\u2019 Toby \u2018n\u2019 Jeff better scurry
\nWhen Mary Worth leaves her place in a hurry
\nWhen Mary leaves her place in a flurry
\nWith her sal-mon squares!<\/p>\n

Drew \u2018n\u2019 Dawn \u2018n\u2019 Chinbeard all worry
\nAnother party with Mary as jury
\nAnd judge and meddler \u2014 what else? The old Fury,
\nPlus her sal-mon squares!<\/p>\n

The canned meat’s pink, the crust is quite brown
\nThe platter\u2019s genuine Melmac
\nThe flavor is something that you can\u2019t keep down
\nThank God there\u2019s a Dumpster out in back<\/p>\n

Mary simpers and preens while she\u2019s blinkin\u2019
\n\u201cAin\u2019t no better pot-luck I\u2019m thinkin\u2019
\n\u201cAll these folks better thank me I\u2019m thinkin\u2019
\n\u201cOr they\u2019ll get a Glare<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2018Cuz I\u2019ve gone to so much trouble
\n\u201cFor my sal-mon squares!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And concluding with Charterstoned’s touching “Poor Aldo’s Dead”:<\/p>\n

\nAldo is dead,
\nPoor Aldo is dead,
\nHe drove his car too fast along the road
\nAnd he sailed into the air
\n\u2018Cause the guardrail wasn\u2019t there.
\nAbove him now the grass has just been mowed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Oh, right. There’s a mashup, too!<\/p>\n

\"new-mw6\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As if the current Mary Worth storyline isn’t turgid enough, with Delilah agonizing over leaving her husband (not too convincingly) and Mary pointing out all the swell parts in the marriage (not too convincingly), a minor detour becomes Something of Great Interest. Delilah gives Mary a CD of Rodgers and Hammerstein music. Okay, nice hostess […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2650","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-maryworth"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2650","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2650"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2650\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2654,"href":"https:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2650\/revisions\/2654"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2650"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2650"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/snarkitupfuzzball.nexiliscom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2650"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}