Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

It seems that booze isn’t the answer in Mary Worth — booze is the question.

“Yes,” is the answer.

It’s kind of amazing to see who imbibes:

[Think about it:  I didn’t start stalking following Mary Worth until after Aldomania, but look who we have hitting the bottle and lacking the ability to exert any self-control!  Aldo Kelrast, jilted lover! Charley Smith, lonely bachelor! Helen Clark, woman on the phone!  Jenna Whatshername and Mogen David, breakfast of champions! Lonnie Roberts, deadbeat dad on a mission!  I guess this means drinking = bad! Meddling = good!]

This would be followed by punching the crap out of everyone else who was the least little responsible for wrangling Margo, Tommie and Lu Ann onto “I Dressed in the Dark” (hosted by people that make Donald Trump AND his toupee look good).

Of course, this would take a lot of planning, so my advice is to just cause havoc and mayhem on the set as things go along right now.  (Yep, I’m lookin’ at you, Margo):

Billy dreams of catching the Big One, Dolly dreams that her sand castle is truly fit for a princess, and Jeffy digs to the Metropolitan Opera’s production of Turandot 18th C. China:

You know, I’ll bet even dumb little Jeffy saw bits of the Bejing Olympics and might realize that modern China looks a wee bit different:

Then again, this is most likely Jeffy’s final destination after a long day of diggin’:

…of course, it could just be a few mosquito bites.

(But, Oh! Those Adorable Malapropisms!)

[And lest you think this is in bad taste, bear in mind that the original had (a bathing-suit clad) Jeffy asking Daddy, “Do I have much hair under my arms?”.  yuck ]

And just when you thought Rose was coming around:

It’s gonna be a long campaign, Your Honor…

For absolutely no discernible reason, Mary Worth in a banana suit.  Hey, it’s Friday!

Next…a garage band! Yeah!

Argh. I do NOT want to be dragged into this story-line. Or the Luann universe. Help me…

Big Daddy rents a beach condo, where Mommy can cook, clean and chase after their four miserable offspring; he calls it a vacation.  Well, maybe it’s someone’s idea of a vacation — and it might be surprising as who’s it is:

Mommy: 1  Jeffy: 0

Mommy: 2  Billy: 0  Big Daddy Bil: 0

And the swath of annihiliation continues:

And Mommy successfully scores the hat-trick, plus two.  Next stop:  “The Cougar Cabana — Home of the 48-ounce pina colada and the hottest mamas on the prowl!”

Lonnie’s tale of woe continues, on the mean streets of Santa Royale, where the Jets and the Sharks (more like the Piper Cubs and the Grunions) would feel right at home:

Lonnie is relentless, but practical: