Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

…because I don’t. This CIA vs. Russian gangster think is Way beyond my caring. What I think I know is April and her mom are running from Pavel, a Russian bad guy, and the best part is them deciding that this has to come to an end. The Judge Parker strip? The weird moratorium on bodacious ta-ta’s? Not letting us, the reading public, watch Sam and Abbey getting it on? Honestly, any option seems reasonable…

Randy, old Parker’s son, and his ex-wife, newly released from prison, meet once again. As you might guess, things are a little tense…

Meanwhile, it looks like Sam and Abby are getting back together…at lease for a weekend of cheap, meaningless sex. And wouldn’t you know it…an ACCIDENT!!!

Could be an insurance adjuster…could be an animal trainer…

Abbey and Sam have been through so much IN A DAY!!! Why does it seem like years?!??

In the continuing puzzle that is Judge Parker, all you really need to know is… OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!!!!!

In an alternate universe (read, anywhere but where Judge Parker and his cronies hang out), cicadas are noisy but harmless little insects, spending most of their 17 years of life underground! Who fed you that crap that cicadas were blood-suckers?!??

Meanwhile, let’s return to a more peaceful and sensual scene…

Animals being put down (and not in a funny Don Rickles kind of way), criminal judges shooting their wives and offspring, Edda Burber still being Edda Burber. What we need is to calm down, take five, and think about what we really can do something about…

And then, there are things that defy logic…

And to think, some people don’t believe in magic…

And there’s even MORE kids being added to 9 Chickweed Lane! Another little ankle-biter who will be forgotten in the machinations of old Brooke. We should at least be aware of the brand-new baby, and all the excitement it brings to the family, before he is summarily ignored…

(There were scads of great tributes to Charles Schulz on his 100th birthday, November 26…Mary Worth was hardly one of them.)

Judge Parker (or his ilk) were too busy investigating bad guys to wish anyone a Happy 100th (the bastages)…

After a barrage of bullets and a crapload of corpses, Sam and Gloria leave the lake house and speculate on Who Might Be Responsible!

Sam figures it’s time to pay a visit to Abby. I’m sure she’ll be sooooooooo happy…

And adding a little “Archer” to the mix..

Ooooh…maybe Sam and Abby will get back together!

And then the bad guy shows up (and he’s a judge, even!) Normally, I wouldn’t give Sophie the brains God gave a goose, but….

And the asshole Judge is still alive…they have a plan, though.

Ladies and gentlemen, this way to the denouement….

Your so good….taking the boy to the cemetery to visit his kin…

At least things appear to be getting back to normal…

…for a good ol’ MANLY SCREAM!!!

Meanwhile, in these action-packed days of 2022, so much is going on for the folks who associate with Judge Parker!

Because there’s no better place than a hospital for a knock-down, drag-out fight…

Really…you only have to go back a little while (to the time of 1979), when maids were Mexican and rich folks were God’s gift to the world…

Say what you will, but Marie can sure handle a spoon!

Oh, Lordie, there’s more!

Marie takes walk with Buck as Abbey goes elsewhere:

Mixed textile patterns…is this really a problem, with Marie at the wheel?

I haven’t been paying attention to Judge Parker. What would be really cool, though is Sam Drier doing his daily jog in his shorts and heavy jacket instead of tan, wrinkled trousers. Nearly as good as Abby’s hooters…

Time marches on. Neddy and Sophie are home for the summer, and whatever is going on , Sophie can more or less summarize.

…the best thing about it is Sam Driver (young lawyer, I think) is pissing off Alan Parker (old lawyer). And all the women have have breast-reduction surgery. The plot has been boring for the last X number of years…

If nothing else, Sam is persistent.

Sam, give it a rest. Or give it up. Or just drop dead…

Could it actually BE that Sam has made Alan see reason, and given him a reason to live? Probably not, but you never know…

Chef Alan is in the kitchen! Or maybe not.

Well, what did you expect, Abby?

It’s a lovely autumn day, and Abby is certain that the Mayor will find a way to throw her in jail for burning down HER OWN BnB! Can no one come to her aid? Is all hope lost?!??

Remember when Sophie was such a mopey, self-absorbed teen? She’s still a teen, but she’s developed a whole new optimistic attitude…how refreshing!

And Abby thought things (aside being convicted of arson) were going so well…

Well, if it isn’t the Spencers, from Judge Parker! To be honest, I lost interest in this strip after the mass “Breast-Reduction Surgeries of ’17” (new artist, new writer and all), and it seems that it’s turned into a comedified War and Peace. There are times, however, when it’s worth slogging through all. the. words (look at all of ’em!)…

Hey, look….it’s the genuine Judge Parker himself…and having a lousy holiday season, too!

All we have to do now is wait…

Looks like Sophie’s off to college, but not bidding her dead old grandpa a fond farewell…

In retrospect, it’s a good thing that Abby only ADOPTED the girls…