Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

(There were scads of great tributes to Charles Schulz on his 100th birthday, November 26…Mary Worth was hardly one of them.)

Judge Parker (or his ilk) were too busy investigating bad guys to wish anyone a Happy 100th (the bastages)…

After a barrage of bullets and a crapload of corpses, Sam and Gloria leave the lake house and speculate on Who Might Be Responsible!

Sam figures it’s time to pay a visit to Abby. I’m sure she’ll be sooooooooo happy…

And adding a little “Archer” to the mix..

Ooooh…maybe Sam and Abby will get back together!

And then the bad guy shows up (and he’s a judge, even!) Normally, I wouldn’t give Sophie the brains God gave a goose, but….

…for a good ol’ MANLY SCREAM!!!

Meanwhile, in these action-packed days of 2022, so much is going on for the folks who associate with Judge Parker!

Because there’s no better place than a hospital for a knock-down, drag-out fight…

Really…you only have to go back a little while (to the time of 1979), when maids were Mexican and rich folks were God’s gift to the world…

Say what you will, but Marie can sure handle a spoon!

Oh, Lordie, there’s more!

Marie takes walk with Buck as Abbey goes elsewhere:

Mixed textile patterns…is this really a problem, with Marie at the wheel?

I haven’t been paying attention to Judge Parker. What would be really cool, though is Sam Drier doing his daily jog in his shorts and heavy jacket instead of tan, wrinkled trousers. Nearly as good as Abby’s hooters…

Time marches on. Neddy and Sophie are home for the summer, and whatever is going on , Sophie can more or less summarize.

…the best thing about it is Sam Driver (young lawyer, I think) is pissing off Alan Parker (old lawyer). And all the women have have breast-reduction surgery. The plot has been boring for the last X number of years…

If nothing else, Sam is persistent.

Sam, give it a rest. Or give it up. Or just drop dead…

Could it actually BE that Sam has made Alan see reason, and given him a reason to live? Probably not, but you never know…

Chef Alan is in the kitchen! Or maybe not.

Well, what did you expect, Abby?

It’s a lovely autumn day, and Abby is certain that the Mayor will find a way to throw her in jail for burning down HER OWN BnB! Can no one come to her aid? Is all hope lost?!??

Remember when Sophie was such a mopey, self-absorbed teen? She’s still a teen, but she’s developed a whole new optimistic attitude…how refreshing!

And Abby thought things (aside being convicted of arson) were going so well…

Well, if it isn’t the Spencers, from Judge Parker! To be honest, I lost interest in this strip after the mass “Breast-Reduction Surgeries of ’17” (new artist, new writer and all), and it seems that it’s turned into a comedified War and Peace. There are times, however, when it’s worth slogging through all. the. words (look at all of ’em!)…

Hey, look….it’s the genuine Judge Parker himself…and having a lousy holiday season, too!

All we have to do now is wait…

Looks like Sophie’s off to college, but not bidding her dead old grandpa a fond farewell…

In retrospect, it’s a good thing that Abby only ADOPTED the girls…

That’s right…the Spencers! And all of the cast of Juggs Parker!

And why is that?

Because the plots are turgid! At least Sophie is wallowing in self-pity and teen-age angst and…and…well, Sophie’s the same as she ever was, too.

…but it’s a pretty good still life for the funny pages!

Now clean up this mess, Marie. You haven’t forgotten how to clean up the kitchen already, have you, Marie?

So I’m really trying to limit myself to a select few comic strips (Rex Morgan, Mary Worth, Mark Trail) for mashability, but it seems that Judge Parker is going to the Big House (aka, the Slammer). The administrators of justice generally have No Luck there, and it looks like good luck is not going his way.
At least if I got to tell the story.