Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

I can’t even begin to condense the current storyline in 9 Chickweed Lane, other than Amos has to perform AGAIN for the big-shot who-the-hell-cares cello competition in Belgium, and it was tooth-pulling and eye-gouging enough the first time around.

As for the shenanigans in Judge Parker, pole dancer cum murderer Dixie has escaped from an entire SWAT team AND a rattlesnake.  If she weren’t batshit crazy, she’d probably be fun to hang around with.  I suspect she’ll come to no good end, but you know that redemption thing…

The conversation between Mary Worth and Lynn the Promising Figure-Skater has ended!

On deck for the next three weeks:  the conversation between Mary Worth and Frank the Pushy Stage-Father!

Be still my heart. Well, that won’t be too hard…

Aside from the stow-away, the melancholic ship librarian, and Second Officer Guido Tomas (oh, and a couple of surly stewards), doesn’t it seem that the Morgans’ cruise ship is missing something — like passengers?

Finally, we get to meet a couple of them, the delightful Arthur and Agnes Dunsmore! Of course, cruises like this are always filled with colorful folks.  You could spend weeks and months and years on the ship and never meet everyone, although some faces eventually get a familiar look to them.

Weird things continue to happen on Rex and June’s cruise: their cabin is the size of a presidential stateroom; Ginger Brittany is a dog!; Second Offier Guido Tomas changes the color of his skin at will; and whether anything is being accomplished between the ship’s crew and its staff is anyone’s guess.

Oh, by his own admission, Guido is the best cook in the fleet. Yeah, right. I mean, I think I’d stick with the peanut butter-and-cracker packets from the vending machine if that were my only option…

And more fun with Second Officer Guido and his “galley adventures”…

God bless us, everyone! (Even vampires!)

I don’t know why I follow Funky Winkerbean at all, or at least after Lisa’ death/the ten-year “jump.”  I never cared much for the strip, and the ‘old’ characters seem to be at least 20 years older now and singularly unattractive.  In some cases, like Funky himself, he may as well have been hit by a bus, as there is no resemblance between his younger self and his bloated protocorpse.

What really chaps my hide is that Lisa is still apparently alive to both Les and Batuik.  There’s no attempt to show in the strip that while Les can remember his dead wife and even imagine conversations with her via his memories of her, that she’s not alive anymore!  She appears as solidly drawn as any of the other characters in the strip!

Oh, yeah, and Les’ interest in his teen-age daughter is extreme to the edge of incestuous creepiness.  Evidently, a decade of therapy hasn’t done him any good.  Hint, Les:  Funkytown can’t be that small — find another freakin’ therapist!  Get laid! Even if you have to pay for it!  You’re such a sad sack, that you’d probably qualify for a sympathy screw.

In Sunday’s strip, he and Summer (and Lisa) go shopping for a dress for Summer to wear at some school party.  I thought it might be improved by allowing Lisa to opt out of the mad crush at the mall and have Chat Bleu be Les’ Handi-cat.

Just so we’re all up to speed, Dixie Julep is not only a stripper … she’s a murderer!  Not only did she kill her sugar daddy Dewey Cheatem, but his gofer guy, too!  In an attempt to kidnap Sam and make him drive her to Mexico, Sam’s hotel room was swarmed by the SWAT team and Sam was rescued.  Meanwhile, Dixie escaped by body-blocking a SWAT member and crashing through a window, in a hailof Det. Heidi’s bullets!

Whew!

If Dixie weren’t such a menace to society, she’d be a candidate for Jungle Patrol, as would Heidi, providing she could continue wearing her cocktail dress as her official uniform.

Oh, and as an aside, the following Sunday panel is my favorite one of Det. Heidi.  The colors and shading is great, and she is drawn so well — so pretty and pensive.

(And then, I go and ruin it with re-captions… 🙂

*Ask me about that some time…

Apologies to Bob Weber, Jr. (Slylock Fox’s dad), who does a keen site for kids and encourages to draw and cartoon.  For no good reason at all, I can apparently channel the mind of a 10-year-old boy.

The framing leaves something to be desired, but hey,  we’re not here to hear Mary talk, are we?  Thanks to Dub Not Dubya from the Comics Curmudgeon boards for the inspiration!

I think Rex has a good point in the original strip, with the state of current unrest on the ship: “Who’s going to feed us?”  Sun, swimming, shuffleboard, exotic ports of call, Norwalk virus — yeah, sure, those might be included on a cruise, but face it, the top priority is FOOD, 24/7.  And don’t you forget it, June!

Oh, look! It’s the cavalry! Or the mounted police…or something.  Well, Rex can dream, can’t he?