Well, um. These wouldn’t have happened at all if CC’s Dingo (resident libertine and proud purveyor of NSFW websites) hadn’t mentioned this: http://www.manhuntshop.com/joy-rider-fuck-machine_543.html
But he did. The rest sorta kinda followed.
And a little more to get it all out of my system.
Sigh. Nothing yet.
I’m forced to mash Mary Worth, and Sunday’s strip looks depressingly like a Sunday edition of Apartment 3-G — rehashing the past week’s events. This is especially depressing when you realize just how little went on in the past week, that it was rather boring, and that compressing it into seven or eight panels only makes it look like a summer rerun.
There are some arms flailing about and interesting expressions, to be fair, and some tried-and-true Marian platitudes. So instead of infringing on the original art or the dialog (stellar stuff, kind of like dark matter), just some snarky additions.
Mark your calendars: a Family Circus that is vaguely amusing. Little Jeffy (#2 son in every sense of the word) complains to his mother, “Aw, Mommy! ‘My Brother’s Clothes’ really isn’t a brand name, is it?” Maybe he’s not the clod that we thought.
Not that I’m going to pass up a golden opportunity to mash up a picture of pantsless Jeffy:
And come to think of it, there is a strange resemblance when Jeffy isn’t quite put together:
CC’s own Alfred E. Neuman, intrigued by this startling revelation, conducted a short but hard-hitting interview with Mommy Keane and Ziggy. It’s worthy of a spot on “60 Minutes,” I think:
AEN: Ziggy and Jeffy have remarkably similar coloring. This suggests the possibility that Ziggy is the father. Do either of you think that is possible?
Thel: Ida know.
Ziggy: Not me!
This was suggested by CC’s Aviatrix, and I’m going to include her personal instructions for this lively game!
It’s time to prepare your bingo card for some Mark Trail bingo. Mark off a grid of five by five squares and write the letters T R A I L above the first row. Now for each column choose and arrange selections from the appropriate group.
Under the T: Talking wildlife
choose any five species native to the Lost Forest
Under the R: Redressing problems
choose any five possible guest character woes for Mark to solve, such as: illness, unemployment, grief, disability, marital problems, lost in LoFo, wounded, poor fashion sense, vehicular breakdown, missing pet or family member, chained to a log, fallen in the water.
Under the A: Actions and phrases
Choose any FOUR awkward things for Mark to say and do, such as: mention writing an article about something he encounters, “we can’t have this happening in Lost Forest,” awkward reference to current events, using technology in anachronistic ways, telling a law enforcement officer what to do. Mark the centre square in the column as the FoJ Bonus Square.
Under the I: Incredible powers of speech
Choose five non-mouth body parts (human or animal) for speech bubbles to emerge from, e.g. forehead, butt, ear, elbow, hand, nose, neck, inanimate object.
Under the L: Lots of hair
Choose five types or style of head and/or facial hair, e.g.
sideburns, beard, mustache, goatee, muttonchops, wild eyebrows, mohawk. Note: it is a bad idea to choose any personal hairstyle worn by a normal person after the 1950s, because it just isn’t going to happen.
Now read the strip day by day and place a an Elrod ball-shaped marker over each square as it appears in the strip. The FoJ square is a free square, you may mark it off right away whether Mark has punched anything or not. Because he WILL!
Ready to play? Let’s go!
Mark’s nemesis is inadvertently bonked on the head with a 55-gallon drum of toxic waste and will probably live. Yay! Crisis solved!
So what do you do for a job well done? You GO FISHING! Yay! Fishing!
Even if Cherry is sick of having Rusty underfoot and forces you to take the little freak along, it’s still a pretty sweet deal…
Yay! Charterstone’s favorite trophy wife is back!
And in honor of CC’s own “Perky Bird” for the following runner-up Comment of the Week:
I’m not sure what Mary is serving Toby, but based on the paleness of contents of both bowl and pitcher (http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20090824&name=Mary_Worth ), Mary has taken that old adage to heart: If life gives you a bowl of peeled boiled potatoes, make potato-ade.
Why do I have the feeling this is just a subtle (or not) rehash/continuation of the Greatest Love Story in the World? Thankfully, it appears that Toby is losing interest already:
I am officially through with Delilah and Lawrence. (If they rip each others’ clothes off, if Lawrence has a massive coronary during the family-making, or if Charley bursts into the hotel room for a hot three-way, I could be persuaded to return.) However, This Story Is Over, whether Moy and Giella want to admit it or not.
I really thought today’s Mary Worth would be a very welcome Charterstone Pool Party (yeah, how sad is that?). Nope, more Delilah and Lawrence. So, for no good reason than to compare and contrast this tense, unbelievable relationship with another tense, unbelievable one on the comics pages, Ms. Moy’s dialog is surreally dropped into 23 August 2009’s edition of Funky Winkerbean.
Compare. Contrast. Hurl. Do what you will.
Okay, so it’s not dialog you’d find in a French arthouse film or a Bergman classic. Check out The Comics Curmudgeon’s “Friday One-Liners” thread for CC’s very-disturbed (read, my hero!) AeroSquid’s take on those.
…courtesy of people who are better than we are (i.e., movie stars and Mary Worth).
Famous, rich, beautiful, and still willing to look out for the Little People (i.e., us, not necessarily Munchkins). Okay, so HUGE star Godiva Danube was thrown by a horse when paparazzi spooked it, but this is referred to as a “Photo Op,” in the biz:
And heck, since when does Mary have to wait for a chance to meddle and express her opinion? Every waking moment of her existence is an opportunity!
Well, I thought of the obvious (gut-busting laugh #1), but CC’s Wenkelmobil pointed out that PJ was mysteriously absent from the car (gut-busting laugh #2)…
…which pretty much is all the funny one sees in an average of two weeks’ worth of Family Circus.