Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

Don’t forget the popc0rn! And lots and lots of butter…

Sadly, Rex and his family are still sailing to Bora Bora or Betelguese…or are they?

So we’ve spent the last week watching Delilah taking crap from her husband Lawrence, growing stronger and more determined to Show Him.  She’s changed into her purple Jumpsuit of Seduction and marched over to Charley’s condo.  She’s even knocked on the door and made the requisite small talk with the Booty Call of Her Dreams.

And then she gets spooked by the art hanging on his walls! No, I am not making this up!

To make matters worse, it appears to emulate Vargas’ girls from the 40s and 50s, swimsuit-clad cuties with tiny dogs or picnic baskets or umbrellas an’ towels for a fun day at the beach.

WTF?

Oh, Delilah, you’ve let me down.  At least I can pretend that Charley’s choice in art is truly repulsive and you have a reason to act like a 16-year-old debutante:

Now, we can continue this tour of Charley’s condo (which is fun, if you like to see Delilah reeling and listing as her eyes are assaulted by depictions of real people), or, like Charley, we can know when to cut bait:

WAIT! Maybe Delilah isn’t such a Goody Two-Shoes! She’s toughing it out, settling on Charley’s loveseat (snort! don’t take a UV light to that one!), and accepting a little hospitality from Mr. Quagmire Smith.  You go, girl!

And it looks like those bubble are going straight to her head!  Then again, you have to admit that Charley is one Smooth Talker…

You go, Charley!

There’s been much speculation on Delilah’s new outfit:

• Assistant to a supervillain.
• Stewardess on the Concord (hence the grape color).
• Erstwhile auto mechanic.
• Pole dancer in her “Grease Monkey Lube Job” routine’s costume.

All of them commendable, I think, but I’m going for another exciting episode of The Craptacular X-Men.

Well, we did know that this argument would really lead Delilah to Charley’s, and it’s likely that the Jumpsuit of Virtue will protect her.  Still, like Logan on the park bench, we can dream…

One can only hope the purple jumpsuit was one of Lawrence’s favorites as well…

The 27 July 2009 strip had only two panels, with Delilah crossing her fingers behind her back!  I know she’s young, but does she still believe that doing this absolves or protects a person from the consequences of telling a lie / being caught in the middle of an illicit sexual liaison / the heartbreak of psoriasis?  I don’t think she’s being coy, but rather hiding her pre-coital glee:

Other cool aspects of the 29 July strip is the unusual angles, like this one (where you can imagine Bob the Maintenance Man smiling to see just what Delilah is hiding) and a “smoke alarm cam shot,” as Charley opens the door.

Yes, this wouldn’t be half as much fun if Wolverine weren’t guest-spotting in Spiderman…

Friday’s episode was odd.  Only two panels, Mary (and JEFF!) in one, playing some sort of game and Jeff looking seriously whacked out.  The second panel has Delilah looking quite dashing in a purple jumpsuit (of course it was closed to the neck. of course I fixed that.), mad as hell.  Not that it really made any sense to mash up, but that’s never stopped me before.

Another short foray into the realm of ReFOOB and I’ll remember my past just like I want to:  my husband was a rat-bastard, I’m a virtual martyr, my children were filthy little animals, and, oh, my husband was a rat-bastard.

Yep, that just about covers it.

…the more would-be sluts will slip through your fingers.”

I think this was the line in the R-rated version of Star Wars.

Anyway, I think both Mary Worth and Lawrence the Famous Lecturer-Husband are finding this out the hard way.  Okay, Delilah does call Lawrence, and the conversation is punctuated by nasty scowls on Lawrence’s part and snarky commentary made to his wife (no kidding…look up the 20 July 2009 strip).

And making Delilah into a U.S.D.A. Grade-A Tramp? Is it fun? You bet it is!

[In the event that you’re having a difficult time deciding, Delilah, Mooncattie would like it known that his car is paid for.]

This being Mary Worth, the conversation goes on and on and on.  In real life, someone would’ve hung up by now.   But it makes for keen mashups!

I think I’ll start a collection of comic books that feature comic strip characters who boldly made the jump out of newsprint (okay, so this was back in the 50s and 60s, but hey).

Mark Trail is a natural:  a comic book with nature stuff is kind of like toting around a bigger, flimsier copy of a Peterson bird guide or a Stebbens herpetology guide:

We’ve  already seen a Rex Morgan publication on behalf of public health issues (I’m sure something like this was given away free):

But then there were Rex Morgan comics that required payment and seem to have dealt with private health matters:

Leading up to the ultimate,  save-your-allowance-for-this-kids! comic book:

Ah, the good old days!

Finally! Out of the summer sun, the heady, fresh air, and away from that dreadful Charley Smith! At last Mary and Delilah can talk calmly  and reasonably, like two adults, about the very same crap they’ve been hashing over for the last three weeks! O rapture!

I think if Mary’s going to have any influence on Delilah, she needs to treat the girl like one of Rex Morgan’s patients — do NOT let her wander off! Outdoors! Particularly by herself!

I know you love to worry and fret Mary, but there needs to be a little less theoretical hand-wringing and a little more hands-on grabbing and holding on tight and maybe some ropes involvement, too.

Oh, yeah, trust your own instincts, not some Canadian busy body — remember:  Meddle in the U.S.A.!

Still, maybe this distraction on Mary’s part has a deeper meaning:

You know, sometimes a happy ending (well, the kind Mary Worth is angling for) just isn’t possible.

Rex is still asea (for so many reasons!), but things continue in Morganville.  And the assisted health-care facility that Becka is working at seems to have more problems than she’d originally heard about: