Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

So Judge Parker isn’t as rich as Croesus, and he’s trying to up the advance on his first novel from $25K to $75K! Not only does he enlist Sam’s help (whose specialty is neither intellectual property law or reviewing crappy first-time novels), but the Judge is forcing him to go to Phoenix to meet with the publisher.

And play golf.

For the record, the past month in Phoenix has been recording daily highs between 105F and 110F.

To my knowledge, there are no indoor golf courses in Phoenix.

Just get your pistol and shoot Sam in the farkin’ head, Alan.

At least one person (aside from the Judge) is glad to see Sam go…

Who would’ve thought THAT?! Well, it might not be that funny, but it makes Sam squirm, and that’s kinda funny.

Abbey isn’t in sight. Nor Gloria. Nor Maria. But there is a rack roaming wild and free. This is why we read Judge Parker.

Oh, yeah, there’s more talk on the Judge’s book. You can tell Sam is riveted.

This is a better day. I’m happy to report that Rex Morgan is doing a fine job without my help of jerking Max Mallory’s legal chain (check out the Sunday strip of 29 June): go, Rex, go!

Also after a brief power outage this afternoon, which required my having to reconstruct a couple of panels below, I think that I have a pretty funny one here. I have no idea where this story line is going, but as long as there’s Hawaiian shirts, I’ll put up with a certain amount of lawyer mumbo-jumbo.

Implied sex, a la Abbey and Sam! Yay!

Sam’s been filling Abbey in on the escapades of Steve, Gloria and the wacky femme terrorist. However, it seemed that Sam was far more interested in expounding his new hire’s swellness than divulging many of the details of terrorist disarmament and bitch-slapping. While it’s nice that he’s all buddy-buddy with Steve, all of this glory might have an unanticipated side effect. (At least I refrained from mentioning (1) a man-crush, and (2) Abbey’s talking vagina.)

If and when marijuana (that gateway drug to cocaine, heroin, and Robitussin) is ever legalized, I don’t knot if it will ever be allowed to be advertised, or that it would need to be advertised. Still, this is my vote for its First Spokesperon.

(I lover her hands, her expression, the “whole package.” Well, maybe not the grape-splat top…)

Or in Santa Royale. After ignoring Mary for what seems weeks (it’s at least a few days, and phone calls don’t seem to play into it), Jeff Corey waltzes back into her condo and starts issuing ultimatums when he hears that (gasp!) Mary might be talking to another human male (double gasp!).

Yeah, like Mary’s going to listen to a pontificating windbag. There is no second, compared to her platitudinous abilities, and Jeff’s a dope for even imagining he’s in her league.

And this showed up after realizing that pretty much inverting four days of “Mary and Jeff Sitting and Drinking Coffee” strips makes a pretty fun exercise:

Just when Gloria and Steve pack off a thwarted terrorist and settle down to a well-deserved dinner and after-dinner making out, “The Man” appears on the doorstep of Sam and Abbey’s place! Hey! Shouldn’t you be chasing terrorists, too, instead of interrupting folks’ dinners of nice chicken?

The 14 April strip for Judge Parker was perfection. Three people held captive by a whacked out female terrorist (who has obviously never read the “When I’m an Evil Overlord” rules, and feels the need to threaten and bluster for far too long)…making demands to alert the authorities and drag even more individuals into possible disaster…and realizing too late that Gloria Sanchez, legal secretary, has probably seen just about every jerk in the book.

HOW GREAT IS THAT?!?!

Superb action and layout…and if it’s not enough that Gloria relieves Samira of the detonator, she SLAPS the crap out of her! Oh, man, life is good!

This enhances things a bit, and since I spent some time on it, I figure I ought to post it. Still, nothing surpasses the Dynamic Duo today.