Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

Occasional Mark Trail character Kelly Welly makes me nuts! Bossy, incompetent, and worse, everyone around her kowtows to her (so they richly deserve her, IMO).

Here’s a not-too-mashed-up example of Kelly at her Bone-Headed Best (yes, she put out a slab of meat to attract animals for her fabuloso photography skills):

If someone would just decide to stand up to her, life in Lost Forest would be so much easier…

Rex has done his duty, and so it’s on to more fun stuff than doctorin’…

And what about Rex’s fear of being asked to crew for Lenore at the regatta? Was it all delusions on his part?

This is pretty cool. Rex does some genuine doctorin’ today, by spreading the word that CFC-propelled asthma inhalers will be banned at the end of this year. This was a partnership between the Creator (Woody Wilson –go, Woody!) and Allergy & Asthma Network Mothers of Asthmatics (AANMA) to spread the word and encourage asthma sufferers to contact their doctors for more information.

Isn’t that neat? And Rex gets to look all serious, too!

I love Prince Valiant, although I usually call him Prince Violent (heh. mature.). In the current story arc, Val and Co. are sailing homeward and are somewhere in the open Atlantic Ocean. (I think this was supposed to be a shortcut. Right.) I think they’re marooned in the Sargasso Sea, but I really can’t account for the giant crustacean that Gawain landed on — I guess there’s something to be said for over-fishing to keep the giant wildlife in check.

Usually Gawain’s livery is vert and Or (green and gold), but honest to God, the past few weeks, the color-monkeys have arrayed him in teal and lavender (puke blue-green and pukier light purple), coincidentally the wedding colors for Elizabeth Patterson! I think this is a sign.

astroboy from Comics Curmudgeon wrote a nice little story about Val and Co. happening upon a tribe of repulsive being known as the Foobians, and they make a daring rescue of the Lady Elizabeth. Things happen, blood flows, villains are put down, Gawain gets the girl, not so much because their outfits match, but because Val is already married (and Aleta happens to be on the ship with him).

Epics like this deserve mashups! So in the tradition of Beowulf, The Song of Roland, the Canterbury Tales, and Dial M for Monastery, it’s The Foobarian Campaign!

Oh, hey, more Foobery. I will occasionally write to “Elly’s Coffee Talk” (aka, Coffee Stalk; aka, Coffee Glurge) over at the FBOFW website. It’s generally a hotbed of fannish squeals and wonderment (“you must be peeking in my windows!” “I have a son and a daughter that are EXACTLY Michael and Liz’s age!” “I’m the same age as Liz, and I’m a TEACHER, too!”, and the saddest recent post, from a woman who named her kid Robin, after little Wobin Cwap-pants, because she was “inspired” by him. Makes you beg the question, “Is your Robin retarded, too?”).

Because it’s pretty much a “Write to the Creatrix” shrine, most of my emails are never published (surprise!). However this one was, and appears in the 20 August mail-bag:

“With all the chicken-running-around-with-its-head-cut-off antic preparations (what? the Pattersons didn’t have a Wedding Coordinator friend who would’ve worked for them for free?) and Elizabeth so very busy with her Forever ‘n’ Ever Friends, anyone attending the wedding in a wheelchair would probably be figured to be Grandpa Jim.

“Including FDR or Stephen Hawking.

“Of course, April would notice that “That’s not Grandpa Jim!”, but why should anyone start listening to her now?”

I’m sure someone on the staff got canned for letting this slip by. Yeah, as if LJ gives a rat’s ass as long as her merchandise continues to sell…

Back at Charterstone, trophy-wife Toby is paying her credit card bills and rhapsodizing over the beluga whale known as her husband, Dr. Ian Cameron. Ian’s kind of fun to have around (like poking a jellyfish with a long stick kind of fun), but is it just me, or does it seem that Toby is thinking about a shirtless (and maybe more) Ian?!

Someone suggested that this is the fault of the color-monkeys, and that Ian is merely wearing a peach-colored shirt.

Uh-huh.

Coupled with her mad devotion for Ian and the latest edition of “Romance” magazine, Toby’s mind wanders. Aimlessly. For hours.

Who is this mysterious, 80-year-old, sailing fiend Lenore Foster?!

Who cares? Anyone who thinks Rex would make a good “cabin boy” for her sailboy has my undying love!

And just think… “Cabin Boy Fever,” Andy… sounds like you’ll be busy again! Have the Health Department on standby for the regatta: I think they’ll be more than just the usual heat exhaustion cases this year!

Oh, joy! The Mystery Woman appears in all of her Mature Splendor!

Yes, indeed! Don’t forget your raffle tickets, souvenir t-shirts, and cappucinos!
Of course, we all know that Rex Morgan will be there — he’s the Regatta’s #1 Athletic Supporter!

And here’s a little cheesecake to go with that cappucino:

[The cappucino enema reference goes back to the 14 August 2008 “9 Chickweed Lane,” in case you were burning to know. Yeah. Like I’d make something up like that.]

And I just had to do something with that rather sweet portrait of a father and daughter.  I might even see this if it ever were made, too:

Plans (and pleadings) for the exotic Caribbean cruise continue apace! Come on, Rex, you’ve been taxed to the intellectual limit with the MRSA Mystery — you deserve a break! (But then, so does everyone else who associates with this M.D. (Medical Dolt).)

But then, there’s a plot-twist! Equally maritime, but the Annual Hospice Sailboat Regatta! And it’s this weekend, too! OMG!

It looks like Rex’s plans for the immediate future are “out to sea” — not once, but twice!

I think it was Weed’s girlfriend who mentioned during the yada yadas that Weed has won several awards for his photography. Huh. Like anyone cares. Just so long as the wedding shots are free.

Stunningly, the original strip (12 August 2008) is pretty nice, simple and sweet. Too bad my crowd is so jaded by all things Foob that it’s hard to admit it, or think that it’s anything but a fluke (Foob fluke! Foob fluke! Foob Fluke! Say that fast 10 times!)

Of course, a good photographer knows to just keep that shutter clicking, because You Never Know:

…or at least a cheerfully goofy one as to why Rex is so loath to go on this screamin’ deal Caribbean cruise. Does he think he’s going to be boarded by Johnny Depp? (Oh, well, he’d probably like that!)

I don’t have an answer for that, or where this mashup is headed. I just like how damned sullen Rex is. If there’d been a third panel in the original, it would’ve been Rex rolling up the newspaper and smacking Sarah repeatedly with it.