Poor Pig! He just wants a little contemplative peace…
Even so, there are a few bright spots in the universe (and the Internet):
Yeah, it’s a big ol’ schmaltz-a-thon for my buds at The Comics Curmudgeon ( http://joshreads.com ). I did rework this to include some of the classic catch phrases of the site.
Thank you, Stan Lee, George Lucas, and everyone else who lets us say “What if…?”!
But “what if” Delilah reunited with her one true much older, emotionally-distant love? Anything’s possible in the MW AU!
And “what if” Lawrence Jonis is not only a Doctor of Philosophy but also a TOTAL HOTTIE?!?
Suggested by CC’s Spectacular Spider-Brick; that’s all I’m sayin’…
In Mary Worth’s perfect little world, goodness is rewarded. Bad people are punished, or worse, shunned like a veritable Amish with an iPod.
Well, that’s how it goes in her little world.
And the next day’s strip has Delilah hoping that her marriage can work. That’s all well and good, but Mr. Dr. PhD Lawrence doesn’t seem to be attending high-end academic conferences throughout the world (cripes, even Chinbeard Cameron goes to seminars at universities!) so much as headlining inspirational, motivational talks, loaded with platitudes that would embarrass even Mary Worth herself, at what appears to be off-ramp Holiday Inn Express meeting rooms:
I was doodling around the intertubes a few days ago, and I found a website ( http://www.lookandlearn.com/blog/?p=92 ) with the following human (or cat. or snake.) interest story:
One day, in March 1967, four-year-old Wanda Viviers was playing happily on the lawn of her home in Johannesburg, South Africa. Suddenly, something made her turn — and there, slithering towards her, was a Ringhalls snake. Wanda had heard about these deadly creatures and she was terrified as the 5-foot-long reptile approached her. Suddenly, with a wild yowl, a bundle of creamy-brown fur hurled itself at the snake’s head. Wanda’s pet Siamese cat, Wong, had come to her rescue. The young cat pounced on the snake again and again, furiously clawing at its eyes and skin. Surprised by its unexpected attacker, the snake struck back. But Wong proved too much for it and the snake lay dead.
Neighbours came running over and comforted Wanda after her terrible shock. As for Wong, the brave little Siamese cat, his story appeared in newspapers throughout the world, and the P.D.S.A. in London awarded him a silver medal for his exceptional bravery.
That was pretty nifty, but what sealed the deal was a fabulous illustration by James E. McConnell, that shows the fearless Wong in action:
I just love the excitement of it all, the bright colors of a hot South African day, the sideways crabbing of the cat, and particularly the crazed look on the cat’s face. That snake had a death wish.
Now, maybe this would’ve been the case with any breed of cat, but no. There’s nothing quite as psycho as a Siamese on a mission. Of course, I do have evidence to back this up (and yes, this was a hoot to do):
Well, the gang at 9 Chickweed Lane has been skinny-dipping, pontificating, talking to God, God talking back and God considering changing all future members of the human race into sapient cockroaches, starting with Mr. and Mrs. Expriest’s baby. Neither of them were keen on this idea, and there was a lot more exposition on the topic (“something something Death Star something“), that went on for way too long.
It appears that this turgid storyline will be wrapping up this month week, and it seems that it will have a happy ending.
[There really are occasional gems in this strip, but like real gems, there’s generally a mountain of dross and tailings to sift through before being rewarded.]
Just as things were heating up in Charley’s Love Pad (read, finally getting interesting), Delilah walks out the door!
Even worse, she leaves Mary a note and is last seen boarding a plane or a bus or a train or something.
Yeah, lady, don’t let the door hit you in the purple-clad ass on the way out.
I suppose, to be fair, one really has to analyze the expressions that play over Delilah’s face. She may be saying one thing, but she’d definitely thinking another. CC’s Dr. “Bobdog” gives his opinion of this definitely messed-up young woman:
And fortunately for perpetually-aroused Charley, this is NOT a case of Premature Evacuation (not if he has anything to say about it!):
Let’s see, Tom Batiuk shares “creative” honors with a guy name Ayers to churn out Crankshaft, evidently one of those postmodern, nihilistic comix of pain, irony and despair, usually relegated to a city’s alternative newspaper.
No.
What?
Oh, Crankshaft just looks like one of those comix. I must’ve be confused with the recent storylines involving
The small dog/rattlesnake plot will continue next week. I’m not holding out any hope for “Tinkerbelle,” but then, I’m not holding out any hope that this strip is ever going to improve, either. At least I can provide an Alternate Universe and our buddy Barney…
The Sunday edition of Crankshaft doesn’t follow the weekly plots, for those newspapers who have the good taste to expose their readers to only limited amounts of this crap knee-slappin’ humor. I guess it was just a coincidence that yardwork and animals figure into it:
And is anything more relaxing that kampin’ with the Keanes?
