Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

…really, I just need some decent snarking material and/or some truly excellent inspiration from the commenters over at The Comics Curmudgeon.  It’s like a tonic! (You know, that “tonic” that Mary Worth keeps behind the china for “medicinal purposes”…)

OMG! OMG! OMG!  Mark’s in danger!  Thanks, [Old Man] Muffaroo!

OMG! OMG! OMG!  The Morgans come to the rescue! (Thanks, Brook Esia, for a definite stashing of panels for the future: “I’m pretty sure panel 3 is really an old Soviet propaganda poster about the bourgeoisie fucking up your day and not giving two shits about it.”)

OMG! OMG! OMG! Bad agent! Bad agent! No martini! Thanks, Dennis Jimenez!

Oh, dear! Mary has refused to take over Wilbur “Wendy” Weston’s advice-column gig, because of the time involved! Yes, Mary’s just Too Busy with pontificating to Toby, watching her shows, and churning out a constant supply of salmon squares.

Frighteningly, Wilbur actually has a back-up plan. (Most likely, Plan B is pretty excited about the “back-up” part, too…)

And I smell 25,000 smackaroos!

Okay, that works.

While Iris is throttling Mabel over at the Morganville Funeral Home and Hot Wax Salon, Dawn continues to mope on the couch, watching an endless loop of Game of Thrones.  Where her hands are and the depth of Miss Weston’s sexuality is a topic of much filthy sordid disgusting speculation over at The Comics Curmudgeon (ewwwwwww…) , an unfortunate situation that might’ve been remedied had the creators of Mary Worth done a little creative rearrangement of panels.

Sadly, that which has been speculated upon cannot be unspeculated…

Extra points if you can correctly guess where Wilbur gets his mad parenting skilz.

Funerals are always painful.  Some are more painful than others.

Still, they can be fun…

While the usual Saturday circle gave us Jeffy announcing that he has fingernails on his toes, too! (good Lord, the kid’s a moron), mine is somewhat more insidious, even horrifying.  Are we not men, Jeffy?

Poor Dawn Weston! Jilted for the nth time, possibly even by a man who’d once said “hello” to her or otherwise acknowledged her presence! And now, all she can stand to do is watch Season 1 of “Game of Thrones” over and over again.  Thank heavens her father is there to stink up the condo with his liverwurst sandwiches…wait, what?

Just because Family Circus was almost funny today, and because Jeffy Keane is featured as a Great Hollywood writer, here’s the connection (I can see that checkered shirt being mashed into a fabulous ascot — haven’t a clue what to do about the strangely-colored sneakers, other than they might be a pair of Dolly’s pink cast-offs):

And here’s the new-and-questionably-improved Judge Parker:

And here I thought Wilbur Weston was the undisputed champion of the comic strip sandwich!  Well, he still may be…