Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

I promised myself…oh, never mind. I promise myself a lot of things, and a fat lot of good that does me.

Anyway, I figured that Judge Parker’s current dealings with a crazed terrorist who is holding a wheelchair-bound old woman and a double amputee hostage could get along just fine without me (other than hoping that Gloria Sanchez might call her bluff and refuse to cooperate with her whacked-out demands). Lo and behold, Gloria did just that in the Sunday strip, which I’m sure is going to have interesting consequences in the Monday strip.

Of course, in the name of Immediate Gratification, I wasn’t especially interested in waiting until Monday. And it didn’t help that Little Guy from CC had a wonderful comment that led to all sorts of things, or at least one mash-up (thanks, Little Guy!).

…and donate non-perishable foods to the annual Letter Carriers Food Drive (like oh-so-nom-nom-nommy pancake syrup and fat-free refried beans), and THIS is the thanks you get!

(Of course, Mr. bats :[ could’ve just slipped this in the recycle bin, but no…..)

Well, Andy’s off somewhere, leaving Rex and June to interact and natter about the MRSA issue. Again, too many possibilities for just one mash-up, so instead there are two, showcasing the many facets of Rex Morgan, M.D. (and you thought he was a two-dimensional character…au contraire!)

The first is Rex’s Medical Mystique:

The second is Rex’s Medical Mistake:

You have to hand it to Mary Worth — our silver-haired doyenne certainly doesn’t let her age slow her down! When she isn’t volunteering, she’s keeping her body physically fit as her mind dutifully chugs down Memory Lane.

(Okay, this was all for yet another cheap shot at Ziggy-in-Training Jeffy. There was a calling. I heard it. Like the voices in Mary’s head.)

It’s not that there’s that much inherently hilarious stuff on any given day in the comics. I just have to quit reading CC, since there’s so much inspiration there (or at least so much insight that a dullard dope-fiend like Alan the Artist becomes pretty interesting. Or at least worthy of mocking.).

Yeah, don’t do drugs. Stay in school.

For the record, you have never heard Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You” (which used to be a nice love song until it was raped, slaughtered, raped again, and set afire by the crappy warblings of Whitney) until you have heard my friend Gene out-warble Whitney. It is possible. You will believe a man can fly out-melisma the Queen of Melisma.

Oh, heck. Poor Andy never gets a break…so here it is, and keep those Bloody Marys and Maxes coming!

…in the dictionary, this is the illustration that accompanies the definition.

No kidding! (Just give it up, Jeffy…you’re destined to grow up to be Ziggy.)

So there’s still hope for Rex! When faced with an unsavory situation (i.e., dealing with anything that has to do with “Max the Ax” Mallory, Ambulance-Chaser!), Rex takes command! And makes the most adorable little kissie lips in the process!

Ah, well, back to the daily grind, Dr. Morgan. No more cavorting in undies and towels. But hey, maybe this kid knows Niki.

I’m sure that in the “real” Rex Morgan world, Andy Reed is a poor, single sad-sack who hasn’t had a date, much less a relationship, in a decade. Well, nuts to that! Here’s a guy dealing with a MRSA outbreak without enough staff, is subpoenaed by some Pillsbury Doughboy of an ambulance chaser, and has to watch the Morgans’ happy marriage (right?) from afar.

If there were any justice, Andy wouldn’t mind, as all women are attainable. And aside from the occasional annoyance from his colleague Rex, it’s not such a bad life…