Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

Well, you have Dixie Julep, Pole Dancer get dressed and leave; Sam Driver, Showering Attorney, get dressed; and Heidi Roberts, Homicide Investigator, get dressed in a sexy outfit for dinner with Sam — and then change into Crime-Scene Coveralls (albeit at least one size too small)…  I’ll admit it, I lost interest.

And then, all the talk talk talk about the guy who killed the publisher commiting suicide but not with the gun that was originally thought to have killed the publisher which is apparently still missing unlike the missing cell phone which was found by the computer that contained the would-be assassin’s suicide note so that the real killer of the publisher and the would-be assassin is still on the loose and what the hell is going on

Crap. I’m as confused as Sam, so I’ll just make fun of a double entendre:

It was about 18 months ago when I mashed it up for the first time.  And yet love is… persists, like warts. Unchanged. And as creepy as ever.

Well, fine.  Two can play at this game.  Looks like someone got tired of his little prepubescent girl-friend….

I like to think of Sam Driver not as a bi/gay/asexual being, but rather a man with his passions under unbelievably tight control.  This might help him in his professional life, but occasionally something just has to give…

Boy, oh boy, does Mark Trail get a lot of visitors from his fellow panelists! And evidently some are more welcome than others.

Unfortunately, not all are the leggy creatures that Mark is sometimes fortunate to feature in his Sunday panels.  It’s back to the old grind on Monday, when our favorite forest friend continues investigating the Mystery of the Vanishing Wetlands:

Mark’s Monday adventure elicited a lot of excitement at the Comics Curmudgeon, and I guess I was swept along in the torrent of gatory goodness:

…is purple.  Sadly, this is not purple.

Happily, however, Thursday, 25 September 2008 was “Draw People’s Asses Day” in the comics.  I don’t think all cartoonists did that, but Hats Off (and trous down!) to Judge Parker (still investigating Dewey Cheatam’s murder by grilling exotic dancer Dixie Julep) and The Phantom (for a peek at the Purple One in a shot worthy of the old Sears’ catalog).

Do we really need a plot in Judge Parker, ever?  Can’t we just have Abbey and Maria and Gloria and most other women who traipse through in skimpy outfits or various states of undress?  Ditto for Sam Driver and Steve?  The good judge in Hawaiian shirts?

Sure, it wouldn’t make much sense, but aren’t the comics a visual medium?

Let’s see, Sam Driver goes to Scottsdale to negotiate a better advance for Judge Parker’s book.
He gets it, and the publisher gets it, too.  With a shotgun.
Sam is interviewed by a hot female detective. She doesn’t get it.  Sam’s no whore.
Sam drives to Carefree to go nosing around the dead publisher house. Who cares?

If there’s any action, it’s back at the law firm (heh, she said “firm”).

How about tragic golfing accidents?

CC’s John C. Fremont (and a few others) noted new law partner Steve Shannon’s ability to wield the Force. It must be a Jedi mind trick, because a Sith wouldn’t be wasting it on something as trivial as golf.

Then again, a Sith might get some sort of sick amusement from toying with Sam and Abbey’s affections…

Then things just zoom right back into our galaxy…or more likely, Salvador Dali or E.M. Escher’s galaxies. A cool one panel that shows the progress of Steve and Sam walking down a hall, there’s still something spooky about seeing the two of them in triplicate.

At least between the book advance babbling and the golf talk, Gloria makes an appearance!