Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

Well, when it comes to The Phantom leaving his guns ANYWHERE near a dangerous, intelligent criminal, and keeping his knife in his boot, then kneeling near said dangerous, intelligent criminal, I can only conclude that wearing all that Spandex is hindering the flow of blood to his brain.

Did Rex cave? Is he letting June and Sarah and Lenore walk all over him as far as sailboat ownership is concerned?  I think not.

And what about the wise witch-doctor Yoda Guran?  Is he going to let the Phantom call the shots as far as who he prefers to treat? Ditto.

Rock on, Rex.  Rock on, Guran.  Cast off the chains of those who would make you fight a rabid raccoon oppress you!

I’ve tried to not sink to other people’s levels in making (too much) fun of The Phantom’s less-than-subtle hero outfit.  But his damned high-and-mighty morals just look like so much holier-than-thou-and-especially-you-little-pygmy-guys platitudizing.  Imagine Mary Worth in purple spandex and stripey Depends.

Okay, don’t imagine that.

I’m just fed up with Kit’s ‘tude (“I need your help, Guran. No, wait. I don’t need it now.”).  Hey, Kit, you do realize that there were plots to assassinate Hitler, too, because he was a Bad Guy, rather than waiting to “bring him to justice.” Guran should hop on his pony and never look back–let you and Klaatu slug it out when Klaatu recovers and you’re bleeding from all of your bodily orifices…

And now that the crisis has been averted, Kit thinks a little “Truth or Dare” would be in order. Leave Guran alone, you goober!  Why don’t you go and fly your fancy-dancy plane off of a cliff or something…

…no, wait.  That really wouldn’t work, would it? Eh. Just leave Guran alone.

…anyone can speak the Bandar tongue.

I think that might be an Old Jungle Saying.

…is purple.  Sadly, this is not purple.

Happily, however, Thursday, 25 September 2008 was “Draw People’s Asses Day” in the comics.  I don’t think all cartoonists did that, but Hats Off (and trous down!) to Judge Parker (still investigating Dewey Cheatam’s murder by grilling exotic dancer Dixie Julep) and The Phantom (for a peek at the Purple One in a shot worthy of the old Sears’ catalog).

Oh! Where was I?

Oh, yeah. Some crackpot in The Phantom is capturing bats and killing them for their blood!  W. T. F. ???  Do something, Ghost-Who-Snoops!

…check out that car!

There was some nattering about the relentless use of “Ghost-Who-Fill-in-the-Blank” and little yellow boxes in The Phantom, as if five or six words would bring a potential new reader up to speed.  I don’t know.  I look at the strip (and yes, it is relevant that I look at the strip more often than read it) and I don’t care much one way or another.

One of the good folks at CC brought up a strip that ran earlier this year, to demonstrate that Ghost-Who-Has-More-Money-Than-Common-Sense does actually show up from time to time out of spandex.  At those times, he’s “Mr. Walker” (ooooh, quite the disguise).  It looked like a good time to feature “Mr. Walker,” little yellow boxes, and dopey epithets.

The car is still purple, though.

There was some sort of ending in the current Phantom story-arc, and Kit and Diana flew off into the sunset, or the closest nude beach. COOL!

…even if it looks a lot like blame. CC’s Niall alerted me to a stripey-butt sighting (several, in fact) in Sunday’s The Phantom. Sure enough, butts aplenty!

Then he mentioned that Sunday’s Mark Trail could use some doctoring. (Fleas?! That’s like talking about — MRSA!) Well, okay, this is sorta like being the physicist or chemist or nutjob that fused peanut butter and chocolate together. The result ain’t no Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, but I rather like it.

I began reading The Phantom when the “Girls Crash the Jungle Patrol!” story-arc started up. Unfortunately, this quickly devolved in only a half-hearted reading of it because the strip maintains two ongoing story-lines (the weekly and the Sunday), both of them weird. I look at it for Kit’s manly physique.

What a pity he feels the need to wrap it in purple spandex and stripey black-and-turquoise underpants.

So now Kit and Diane are stuck on an abandoned oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico. That isn’t all that abandoned. And appears to be on the Mobil 5-Star Oil Rig Resorts list. And has a very well-stocked kitchen (that ain’t no “galley”).

I told you it was weird.