Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

…all you have to do is erase the words in the balloons and go from there.

You know what Dr. Drew (Manwhore!) needs? Not a stalky girlfriend.  Not a meddling old friend of his dad’s.

He needs work.  Good, honest work.  He loved working at the orphanage in Viet Nam, to the point he only came home to see his sister’s wedding.

Work is good.  Whining, not so much.

And I think I know just the person who can help you get into the swing of things…

Mary goes to bat for Dr. Drew (Manwhore!), as she took Liza McStalker, R.N., out for coffee (probably on her own dime, too!) and explored Liza’s deep-seated dissatisfaction with her current career.  She successfully guided Liza to new options and opportunities after this three-week hour-long tete-a-tete, and Liza is now a thing of the past.  Considering that Mary’s been conspicuously absent from several of the most recent story-lines here, I’m beginning to think that the old dear is feeling her age and slowing down — her coming to Drew’s rescue was a thoughtful and caring gesture, as she rallied herself with one of her favorite platitudes: “Kindness is my religion.”

You’d think Drew would be happy.

Nope.  Now he’s complaining to Mary (She Who Rescued Him from the Horrors of Cutesy Text-Messaging) that he can’t understand how Liza moved on — from him!

Oh, STFU, Drew.  I hope you get a salmonella-smeared salmon square…

When I first found Edge City, I thought it might have potential:  a family comic, with the twist that the family is Jewish.  Huh. It might have some interesting cultural insight amidst the humor.

Color me wrong.  The Jewishness creeps in to pretty much annoy the family members (“Oh, God. Mom is making gefiltah fish from scratch — it’s a nuisance and no one likes it anyway.”  “We’re going on a cruise with all those wonderful buffets, and it’s during Passover, and we can’t eat the breads and pastries!”).  Cripes, people, be the Reform Jews you are (I guess they are — there’s no evidence of much orthodox ritual otherwise), or stop the kvetching.

Along with the being-Jewish-is-a-pain-in-the-tuchus aspect is some atrocious drawing.  I’m not the only one who’s compared Mom’s lips to a blob of Silly Putty, and since I don’t know the names of the characters, I’ll leave it to the Life of Brian School of Onomastics to refer to them as Mr. and Mrs. Big Nose.

And now, Mr. Big Nose has allergies or sinus problems or a small elephant up his nose, and he’s been annoying and/or frightening those around him for the past week.   When the “fun” in this “funnies” is based on an as yet untapped bodily secretion — phlegm — it’s time to deep-six the strip.  But not before we make some use of Mr. Big Nose — thanks heavens it’s Hospital Week in some of our favorite serials!

Okay, so Drew’s a young’un compared to some of the docs we know — Rex is an old hand with problem patients:

Here I thought that a single heart-to-heart at the Diner that caused a Major Career Shift for Liza McStalker, R.N., was really only a way to end a pretty boring story.  Or if not that, it served to clear the way for a hot-damn, whiz-bang Charterstone Independence Day Pool Party, splashed colorfully across the many panels of the Sunday Mary Worth.

I mean, Mary has been spouting platitudes and advice for the entire week (yes, over one freakin’ cup of coffee)…don’t we deserve a break?

Imagine my disappointment upon opening the Sunday comics and seeing Mary talking to Liza EVEN MORE!!!

‘Eff me.

So, this is for me, and for CC’s bourbon babe, unbuckled, and all the little CCers who were oh-so-patient, only to have our collective hopes dashed:

EXHIBIT A:

It appears that from Mary stepping in to help Dr. Drew (Manwhore!) and his stalker problem and her solving it with good, no-nonsense advice to Nurse Liza (Stalker!):  ONE WEEK!

I think this is some sort of record.

Mary Worth finally takes over this miserable “Liza Stalks Dr. Drew (Manwhore!)” plot.  And you can’t get much meddlier than at the corner bistro…

[All sorts of groveling apologies to Edward Hopper, the estate of Edward Hopper, the Chicago Institute of Art…]

With all the spam attacks going on here at WordPress (and especially MY blog!), I’m wondering if Mrs. Worth could help me, too.