Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

…really, I just need some decent snarking material and/or some truly excellent inspiration from the commenters over at The Comics Curmudgeon.  It’s like a tonic! (You know, that “tonic” that Mary Worth keeps behind the china for “medicinal purposes”…)

OMG! OMG! OMG!  Mark’s in danger!  Thanks, [Old Man] Muffaroo!

OMG! OMG! OMG!  The Morgans come to the rescue! (Thanks, Brook Esia, for a definite stashing of panels for the future: “I’m pretty sure panel 3 is really an old Soviet propaganda poster about the bourgeoisie fucking up your day and not giving two shits about it.”)

OMG! OMG! OMG! Bad agent! Bad agent! No martini! Thanks, Dennis Jimenez!

Poor Dawn Weston! Jilted for the nth time, possibly even by a man who’d once said “hello” to her or otherwise acknowledged her presence! And now, all she can stand to do is watch Season 1 of “Game of Thrones” over and over again.  Thank heavens her father is there to stink up the condo with his liverwurst sandwiches…wait, what?

Mark’s been in the woods, looking for clues that might exonerate his fishing pal from the MURDER! of a rival fishing camp owner.  Of course, the folks at The Comics Curmudgeon have been offering their help.  What could have Mark found in the woods?

Biv Alves offers a Mighty, Mighty Non-comprehensive List of Things Mark Might Have Just Found:

And Illustrator Steve is a tad more succinct (and highly likely):

TWO SKELETONS WEARING UPS UNIFORMS TIED TO TREE STUMPS.

Whew! While I came to the conclusion that Mark’s discovery just HAD TO BE one of these, today’s strip genuinely seems to be zeroing in on the suspect:

Can you imagine how much more quickly Mark could solve these mysteries and return home to his beloved Cherry Rusty Pancakes, if he’d only listen to US?!?

(Oh, and the folks at CC are some of the funniest people in the world!)

I’m not a big fan of “product placement,” like in movies or TV shows (then again, placement of almost-but-not-quite products can be even more jarring).  However, with the loss of readership/subscriptions/income in many newspapers, maybe big companies with deep pockets should be encouraged to sponsor comic strips so we don’t lose them…

We’re thinking Morton Salt here, but can K-Y creepy slimy sex products be far behind?

Mary Worth’s last adventure, to the wilds of New York to see Soccer Bobby and Hash-slinger Gina get married, was kind of a downer — Mary was only able to meddle a NY cabbie, and that was hardly exciting (particularly for the cabbie).

On her return home, though…let’s just say she hasn’t come back to Santa Royale a moment too soon!

…calls for complicated planning! Many plans! Many options! Many, many munchies!

I learned something today from Mark Trail!  Evidently pufferfish are marvelous recyclers:  why MAKE deadly toxins from scratch when you can just RE-USE the ones from the food you eat? Those cute, round tidbits of death!

…but anything I can do for the Little Wooden Boy, I will!

Awww…it’ll get better, Rusty. Save your dimes!

Good lord, I can hear the muffled chuckles all the way from Lost Forest…

Geez, when even Cherry’s in on the ruse…you’re sunk, Rusty.

In Monday’s strip, Mark actually talks to Rusty about going on a fishing trip (well, after checking his e-mail, which I think is short for “eagle mail,” in which Mark communes with the mighty bald eagle for no apparent reason).

Of course, I’m not going to show you the actual strip (check out 7 May 2012 if you don’t believe me).  What I will show you is a mashup of the strip, very much inspired by CC’s Illustrator Steve (words) and CC’s gnemec (hot, hot illustration — check out The Comics Curmudgeon for all the gory details that led to that magnificent photo:  http://joshreads.com/?p=13534 .

And if all this Curminion cleverness doesn’t leave you reeling, here’s a fantabulous parody by CC’s Shrug. Hit it!

“And the Giant Squirrel’s in the Cradle”

Rusty arrived in the strip one day
Appeared on the scene in a hideous way
But Mark had geese to chase and Cherry to shun
Rusty had to make his own sad fun
And he was ugly and we knew it, and as dumb as a rock
He’d say “We’re going fishing soon, Mark
And you know we’re gonna fix the dock!”

And the dog’s Up North and so is Trail,
Little boy left with epic fail,
“When you comin’ home Mark?”
“I don’t know when, but we’ll fix the dock up then, son,
You know we’ll fix the dock up then.”

The boy cheered up just the other day
He said, “Glad you’re home, Mark, and gonna stay,
Can we fish together?” Mark said “Not today,
Off to Canada,” he said “That’s okay”
And he walked away but his smile hid a snark,
And he said, “I’m gonna be like you, Mark,
Yeah, you know I’m gonna be like Mark.”

And the dog’s Up North and so is Trail,
Little boy left with epic fail,
“When you comin’ home Mark?”
“I don’t know when, but we’ll fix the dock up then, son,
You know we’ll fix the dock up then.”

Mark’s still Up North, and the kid and all
Are still back home with the Jack Elrod ball,
And the sunken dock with the broken logs,
And the mutant fish and squirrels and frogs,
And the magazine check that’s overdue,
And they all wait around for you, Mark,
And the readers have to wait around too.

And the dog’s Up North and so is Trail,
Little boy left with epic fail,
“When you comin’ home Mark?”
“I don’t know when, but we’ll fix the dock up then, son,
You know we’ll fix the dock up then.”

And Andy stops to sniff a tree,
And McQueen’s well-liked in the commun-itee,
The fish are biting off Johnny’s pier,
And Kelly sees Mark and starts to leer,
Are you ever gonna get that article in?
You know the plot will have to end right then, Mark,
Since it will be the End Times then.