Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

And will it be even remotely humorous?

The original caption for this panel’s laughfest: “Know what? Today is yesterday’s tomorrow and it’s tomorrow’s yesterday.”

Wow. I bet Kant and Nietzche are running scared with Deep Thoughts like that, Billy. Oh, wait — they’re dead. Just like this strip. No, this is really more “insipid”…

Mark Trail diligently checks leads into who might be dumping barrels of toxic waste in the forest–the clues have led him not only to the Williams Chemical Company, but also to a face-to-face meeting with the head of the company, Ms. Williams herself.

I would’ve said the same thing to him.

And that’s why they don’t let me deal with the public.

You might scoff and think Mary is just as meddlesome as she ever was, but little signs are everywhere that her Powers could be waning.

The Friday strip confirms it (12 June). A whole week of pool party — something had to happen! Some rapscallionry, horseplay, running around the pool, a Charterstone resident getting a little too loaded on cheap wine coolers.

But, no…
*Some guy pours himself a drink from a 2-liter bottle of soda while regarding the mustard-glazed donuts with suspicion.
*Toby’s lazy eye goes on a stroll.
*The fellow to Mary’s left is looking for Love Connection — and it doesn’t involve either Mary or Toby.
*And a sudden eclipse plunges Mary’s face into shadow, dramatically illustrating the loss of Mary Worth’s influence in Charterstone, to say nothing of Santa Royale…or The Valley.

Like the sun’s dangerous ultraviolet rays, Mary meddling abilities are cast have been dulled.

I need to be more discriminating. I don’t need to mock every half-assed comic strip that comes down the pike. Even if it’s screaming and pleading and holding its breath until I pay it some attention.

Maybe it’s not the strips I’m mocking — maybe it’s the writer (yeah, I’m looking at you, Tom “Canihazaccolade” Batiuik). Knock off with the dead chick — if you liked her so much, maybe you ought to have revised your story and allowed her to be a cancer survivor: I’m sure you’re familiar with that concept.

But wait! There’s more! Nothing like a whole weeks’ worth of Fun on the Roof!

(It’s astonishing the number of folks at CC are hoping for Les and/or Funky to do a swan dive onto the sidewalk by the end of the week…)

POOOOOOOOOOOOL PARTY!
And can anyone party like the denizens of Charterstone?

Well, hmmm…roadkill for starters.
Still, we’ve all been waiting for it, haven’t we?

And of the many, many denizens of Charterstone, who does Mary zoom in on? Yes, it’s the hapless trophy wife Toby. Thank god for booze.

(That’s Latin for “Meanwhile, back at the forest…”)

Mark is doggedly pursuing the trail of those dumped, toxin-containing barrels. Hiking, taking photographs, examining photographs, being distracted by the magnifying glass…slowly, his rage builds. Someone’s going to be for a good, old-fashioned Fist of Justice. But first:

…we’ve got a little time to play with some of the usual killer single panels that I absolutely love!

First up: Guido. Yeah, he’s a human trafficker, but he’s also a great Second Officer. You want something on this cruise? Guido is your Go-To Guy! Hasn’t he earned a little free time? And who’s to say how he spends it?

Second up: June. Bryan from The Comics Curmudgeon comments: “I’ve often fantasized about getting shrieked at by a nearly-nude June Morgan, RN.“.
Who hasn’t, Bryan? Who hasn’t?

Third up: Willy Spears. Well, at least he still has the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy to believe in. And that his father really does live in Boston.

Fourth (and Fifth and Sixth and Seventh): Fiery Latin Guido! Now with June! And more!

Right?

Okay, it is one of those silly cross-overs. I’m only doing this because I like Logan. I’d like him more if he looked like Hugh Jackman.

The jig is up, Guido. We all knew it. And it probably would’ve been pretty low-key, aside from the squealings of pig-boy little Willy.

I so want a Charterstone pool party to happen, I can taste it. Of course, this is only so I can use some hawt June Morgan bikini shots to freak out Mary and the gang (and possibly give Chinbeard a coronary). In the meantime, I continue to reflect on the non-funnyness of many “comics,” and figure if you can’t be funny, at least you ought to look good.