Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

…now I remember.  But do I have to care?

I like the opportunity to riff off the Sunday Mark Trail strips.  I grew up with these comics (our paper only ran the Sunday strips, so I never knew about the Horror That Is Rusty or the “How To Make Celibacy Work for You!”).  I just loved all the animals!

This one was particularly exciting, as the original has Cherry in a torrid lip-lock with Mark.  Okay, so it’s torrid on Cherry’s side — it looks like Mark is still trying to explain the fascinating significance of kissing under the mistletoe. (Face it, if Mark’s mouth is open, it’s definitely not for doing anything French, like kissing or toast…he’s a pancakes man, pure and simple, just like maply syrup!)  This Sunday strip also follows a Saturday one in which Mark displays a horrified expression for the ages.  Combine the two, and I think this is my mashup Christmas Greeting for 2010.  HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Chennux bless us, everyone!

Dirk manfully pulls the bookcase off of Nancy, gently picks her up and places her on the couch, and silently rides into the sunset in his trusty garbage truck.

“Come back, Dirk! Come back!”

Too bad Gary Cooper’s dead — I had a screenplay I wanted to pitch to him.

The Phantom (with a ton of help from Captain Savarna) has rescued Diana!  Together they gallop home to safety!

Nice knowing you, Savarna — we’ll keep in touch, right? Maybe get together for drinks, a couple of laughs, good times.

Yeah, that’s it.

Savarna, girl, you got pwned.

But in a perfect (read, Savarna-run) world, things would be a wee bit different:

Big gay ol’ Seth from 9 Chickweed Lane tries to convince his roommate’s uncle that a dozen kids later he (the uncle, not Seth) is gay:

Then the Comics Curmudgeon’s Sequitur is fairly certain of a red panda’s response to the strip:

Then Darwin (and I) get involved, and it all goes to hell from there:

(The name of this indie bookstore is figured prominently in this week’s Funky Winkerbean.  I guess there is no such thing as Bad Publicity.  Bad Taste in One’s Mouth, yes…)

The recession hits Morganville…

I don’t know what’s more disturbing: that Rex believes in You Know Who, or the people he fraternizes with…

Billy Keane becomes self-aware!

Kind of like Nancy DeGroot, but with a better, more upbeat personality.

And why does Nancy care if Dirk’s around? Dirk was romancing Toni Daytona, a woman now involved with her son Brad and who Nancy dislikes…why not let Dirk and Toni get close again? Maybe this time Dirk’s abuse will be fatal, and the Toni-as-daughter-in-law nightmare will never happen.

But I digress…

And this is even before we meet Matt the Guide!

Of course, that last panel is an instant classic (read, let’s keep it to mess around with in the future!).  And, you know, the future is NOW!

NOW!

Did I mention NOW! ?

Okay.  I’ll stop now.