Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

…but then again, Les would probably want to have a deep, meaningful talk with my ghostly self.

So it seems that Les’ cash-cow dead wife Lisa’s story (cleverly entitled Lisa’s Story) has been optioned for a movie.  I’m so hoping that it’s one of those direct-to-cable Lifetime-esque crisis-of-the week-things.  I’m certain, though, that since Les is such a Great Writer, it’ll be a Hollywood blockbuster.  His kid mentioned something about being in 3-D.  Maybe it’ll be like The Wizard of Oz (in the use of “special effects,” color vs. black and white), 3-D when Lisa is still healthy, back to 2-D following her mastectomy.  (Yeah, that’s a nasty comment, but this entire, years-long plot has been pretty nasty, too.)

I think that if Les tries to contact Lisa after he’s made the beast with two backs with Cayla (yeah, Les and Tom, a real Writer coined that!), that Lisa refuses to chat with him…

Woohoo! Epiphany Time! Maybe Les LIKES to wallow in self-pity and grinding, relentless grief! He is a Writer, after all!  And Writers are supposed to suffer, right?

Child prodigy, kidnapped by bad guys, gets a message to Jungle Patrol.

Child prodigy, rescued by the Ghost-Who-Causes-Quite-A-Bit-of-Property-Damage, eagerly looks forward to returning to his college campus.

Child prodigy ends up at Skull Cave, where he is encouraged to wear a diaper and learn how to box with Kit, Jr.

Child prodigy sends a message to the bad guys, promising them anything for them to rescue him.

To say nothing of the sandwich…

What could be more fun than “doing a Mark Trail” (or more accurately, “doing a crazed survivalist hiding out in Lost Forest”) to 9 Chickweed Lane‘s most unlikeable character?

This might be the Northern equivalent of a pinata party, come to think of it.

Fleas are apparently not uncommon in the Sunday Mark Trail “Let’s Look at Nature” strips.  The previous one, complete with Mark chasing Andy to give him a bath, was in August 2008…only three years ago!

Rather than get all testy with a kinda, sorta rerun, I think the strip can be reworked with the thrilling current weekday plot of the Hunt for Red October John Thrasher; he’s a war veteran, special-ops, who’s retreated from “civilization.”  He’s a match for Mark’s woodsy ways, and for Andy’s, too.  It’s a good thing that Rusty and Sassy didn’t come along — they’d be dead in a hail of poisoned darts and avalanches of boulders by now.

(The “C” is for “crazy.”)

Dr. Drew (Manwhore!) makes an almost sympathetic character (no, not really — he’s still pretty much an egotistical ass)  as he’s aggressively dated courted stalked by Nurse Liza.  The past few days have been a whirlwind of biological clocks ringing uncontrollably — we haven’t had this much fun since Adrian’s wedding and Jill the Wedding Rehearsal Wrecker! Yay!

…yeah, yeah, yer mudder.

Happy Mother’s Day to One and All!

Now, if I were an English professor like CC’s bourbon babe, unbuckled, I could assign an essay that asks “What is More Romantic: 9 Chickweed Lane‘s Hand Sex or Funky Winkerbean‘s Second Story Window?”.

Or, I could just make fun of that toad Les Moore…

Of course, there are other alternatives, if you can get past the initial stomach-heaving realization of matters:

And while the author has used this in the past, don’t count on any mercy this time around.  This is WRITING, you know!

But you know what would be lots and lots of fun?…

…is about as farked up as it is in Twilight, and the special effects are worse…

…when a little “backwoods learnin'” will come in handy!

Finally, we get some action in Rex Morgan, M.D. (even if it’s just from some sketchy underwear)!

(I think Rex is a wee bit peeved that his first impressions in rescuing Dexter weren’t quite correct):