By bats | June 30, 2009 - 10:23 am
Posted in Category: Most maryWorthy

As if the current Mary Worth storyline isn’t turgid enough, with Delilah agonizing over leaving her husband (not too convincingly) and Mary pointing out all the swell parts in the marriage (not too convincingly), a minor detour becomes Something of Great Interest.

Delilah gives Mary a CD of Rodgers and Hammerstein music. Okay, nice hostess gift. But then the conversation turns to R&H! Mary’s own words: “Rodgers and Hammerstein has a rare, otherworldly quality.”


Folks at the Comics Curmudgeon speculated on what Mary might find catchy or less esoteric (someone suggested gamelan with theremin accompaniment). Still others felt the need to contribute to the Mary Worth songbook, desecrating the otherworldliness of several tunes from Oklahoma (and no, Santa Royale just doesn’t scan. I tried.).

Old School Allie Cat and Sequitur start off with “Oh, Mary’s Ranting Is Boring”:

There’s a bright golden haze on the meddle,
There’s a bright golden haze on the meddle,
The bullshit’s as high as an elephant’s eye
And it looks like Delilah is going to cry!

Oh Mary’s ranting is boring!
Oh her advice is so lame!
“You should just go back to Lawrence!
It’ll be better that way.”

All the snarkers are laughing at Mary
All the snarkers toss cracks at Delilah
Mary wants to feed snacks and show off her wares
But it’s just an old plate of those pink salmon squares!

Oh Mary’s ranting is boring!
Oh her advice is so lame!
“You should just go back to Lawrence!
It’ll be better that way.”

Followed by yours truly’s “Casserole with the Chips on the Top”:

Wilbur ‘n’ Toby ‘n’ Jeff better scurry
When Mary Worth leaves her place in a hurry
When Mary leaves her place in a flurry
With her sal-mon squares!

Drew ‘n’ Dawn ‘n’ Chinbeard all worry
Another party with Mary as jury
And judge and meddler — what else? The old Fury,
Plus her sal-mon squares!

The canned meat’s pink, the crust is quite brown
The platter’s genuine Melmac
The flavor is something that you can’t keep down
Thank God there’s a Dumpster out in back

Mary simpers and preens while she’s blinkin’
“Ain’t no better pot-luck I’m thinkin’
“All these folks better thank me I’m thinkin’
“Or they’ll get a Glare

“‘Cuz I’ve gone to so much trouble
“For my sal-mon squares!”

And concluding with Charterstoned’s touching “Poor Aldo’s Dead”:

Aldo is dead,
Poor Aldo is dead,
He drove his car too fast along the road
And he sailed into the air
‘Cause the guardrail wasn’t there.
Above him now the grass has just been mowed.

Oh, right. There’s a mashup, too!


This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 30th, 2009 at 10:23 AM and is filed under Most maryWorthy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

Comments Off on “The Sound of Mary”

Comments are closed.