Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

Or, when life gives you a naked, wet, dripping Jeffy, make shameful, ruthless fun of him.

So, the 15 July 2009 Family Circus has little Jeffy answering the door naked and telling the unlucky woman on the stoop that his mother is giving him a bath and maybe she ought to come back later.  Ha. Ha.

Funny thing, Jeffy was in the same position as Becky was in the Sunday Funky Winkerbean (yes, that Funky Winkerbean).  Nice to know that if Becky can’t answer the door, we have a dependable substitute:

And there’s always just making fun of the strip (ahem) at hand:

And lest you think the Morgans’ cruise to the Bahamas or Barbados or Bora Bora or Barcelona is going well, think again:

Now with two options!

OPTION 1:  Sexy, sexy, sexy! (yawn)

OPTION 2:  Cruel, cruel, cruel!

[I guess the third option is to skip it altogether.]

Looks like Something Is Going To Happen over at Funky Winkerbean.  Comic-book Guy, who’s always looked after Becky while her husband Wally was fighting oversees, or captured or dead, looks more despondent than the usual ‘Beantown denizen.  And Becky is rummaging around for something.

Personally, I don’t care.  But…when CC’s True Fable speculates on Becky’s quest, how could I resist?

I was hoping I could ignore Funky Winkerbean for a while, after last week’s Les gettin’ jiggy wit’ Cayla. (No that really didn’t happen. Nothing close. And as many others have suggested: Run, Cayla! Run away, FAST!)

I guess with Jiggy Failure comes Plan B of “How I Wish My Life Had Meaning.”

(I suspect the new player is going to be a very obvious choice — logical, really — but Les is such an asshat, I just couldn’t resist.)

You know your comic strip sucks when the most personable person in it is a furson (Exhibit A: Funky Winkerbean; Exhibit B: Crankshaft; Exhibit C: 9 Chickweed Lane; Exhibit D: Gasoline Alley).

If your main character is a cat, the cat isn’t likable, you are so, so screwed.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I give you Exhibit A:

But wait! It’s worse! The next day’s strip, when it’s been made plain that Cayla is mentally unbalanced and finds Les attractive, has Les asking her to slow down: “…let’s not skip ahead to fast. Endings have to be earned.”

Seriously, WTF?! No matter what the guys in Vatican City want you to believe, Les,nobody likes a martyr!

Move on, Cayla. Please.
And Les? Be a martyr. Die.

Okay. Well. If you want to stick around, Cayla, at least I can offer some entertainment for you…

It seems at times that cartoonists should pool their talents, for the good of their art and their readers. Look at Judge Parker, Rex Morgan, and Mary Worth — serial marriages made in heaven! (On the other hand, don’t look at Family Circus, Crankshaft, Marmaduke…)

If only this week’s contemplation by Garfield and Jon had melded with last week’s introspection by Funky and Les! What masterpieces could have been accomplished!

WHY? WHY? WHY?

I need to be more discriminating. I don’t need to mock every half-assed comic strip that comes down the pike. Even if it’s screaming and pleading and holding its breath until I pay it some attention.

Maybe it’s not the strips I’m mocking — maybe it’s the writer (yeah, I’m looking at you, Tom “Canihazaccolade” Batiuik). Knock off with the dead chick — if you liked her so much, maybe you ought to have revised your story and allowed her to be a cancer survivor: I’m sure you’re familiar with that concept.

But wait! There’s more! Nothing like a whole weeks’ worth of Fun on the Roof!

(It’s astonishing the number of folks at CC are hoping for Les and/or Funky to do a swan dive onto the sidewalk by the end of the week…)

Moreover, is there ever enough kitty litter?
Thanks to CC’s Baka Gaijin for the whole funny and strange idea…

I’ve come to the conclusion that if you want to write a ghost story, write a ghost story.  The ghost can be the main character, or one of the more interesting characters, but it’s clearly a ghost in a ghost story.

If you want to write mainstream fiction, write that.  Babies are born, children grow up, people grow old and die.  Die. They go away. (That’s what “die” means.) This would be okay if it were a ghost story, because ghosts are usually considered to be dead people (vampire are the undead, but I digress).  But if it’s mainstream fiction, there’s really no place for a ghost, particularly one who sticks around forever and is at least as much of a presence as the other “main” characters.

Some writers get it.  Some don’t. Guess what kind of writer Batiuiuiuiuik is.

…add Dead Lisa — that makes three!

I don’t know how many folks at CC called this, that Les’ “date” would have a chaperone, but yep! It did!

And the thought of Lisa bowing out gracefully after she gives Les the “thumbs up” about Cayla?  Surely you jest!