Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

I try to avoid Luann.  I liked high school a lot, but I never saw the point of being there for 25 years, like Luann and her buddies have, nor have I thought that there were enough hijinx to last that long (OTOH, Archie has been managing that for 50 years or so).

Anyway, blonde WASPY Luann has been cast as Maria in the spring musical West Side Story and has been given pointers (ahem) by Australian-exchange student Quill.  The most useful?  An ancient Chinese fortune-cookie piece of tripe proverb:  Sing to toes, sing through nose.

Yeah.  Whatever.  Be useful, Quill. Spout platitudes.  Maybe when you go back to Dingo’s Kidney, New South Wales, you can become the Aussie version of Mary Worth.

CC’s commodorejohn is intrigued by this Fact o’ Nature, supplied by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! (and yeah, it’s pretty cool):

Know what else is cool?

TJ, the creepy, always-smiling roommate in Luann, has hair.  I don’t know if it’s Jeri-curled, or just Big, but CC’s “Peripheral Visionary” wondered if TJ was just a little behind the times and planning on auditioning for one of those musical groups from the early MTV days when everyone’s hair was like this:  Tears for Fears, Flock of Seagulls, a-ha, Spandex Ballet, etc.

Nah, couldn’t be.

Or could it?

See?  Replacing Curt Smith wasn’t that hard, was it?  (And yes, I had to look up Curt Smith’s name. I just figured one of them was Tears and the other guy was Fears.  Hey, Loggins and Messina, Hall and Oates, Simon and Garfunkel…)

I don’t follow Luann, but hey, this week it’s about sex! Specifically, Luann’s older brother Brad is apparently having that long overdue “talk” with Pa Degroot.  Sure, it’s all about love, relationships, long-term commitment, but Ma Degroot pops in on Friday to cut to the chase with a single word: Protection.

Be all high-minded and sanctimonious that you like, Pa and Brad, but you really shouldn’t ignore that 800-pound gorilla in the room (yeah, the one wearing the glow-in-the-dark condom).  Snort:

Snicker!

Yeah, but this probably what really transpired:

And the one saving grace:  nosy kid sister Luann, who simply needs all the juicy details.  For once, Brad obliges:

Oh, wait wait wait! One more!

Luann is another strip I ignore, except for when the folks at the Comics Curmudgeon start raking it over the coals for the cock-teasing antics of the girls and the cluelessness of the boys.  Brad and Toni work together as firefighters and have been having this not-quite-sexual relationship, which leads to all sorts of tired hackneyed boring shenanigans.

Well, maybe not her.  But John Tesh might have!

Quick! Everybody join in with a quick chorus of the Love Theme from Entertainment Tonight!

What are the odds that tongues were such a significant topic on the same day in different strips? What are the odds that I wouldn’t capitalize on that fact?

I don’t pay much attention to Zits. Jeremy’s mom exercising was not a way to get my attention.