Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

While Toby is drama queening all over her current credit card fraud, Ian attends some sort of professor conference in Chicago.  Yes, both are riveting story lines, made moreso when the two chat in the afternoon.

(In the original strip, yes, Ian is in shirt and trousers.  No, it really didn’t help.)

Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^) from Comics Curmudgeon then had to go and make things more — uncomfortable, shall we say? — and comment that Ian’s sexy factor could only be improved if he were holding a kitten. Well, okay.

Sorry, I’m not seeing it, Lindsey ^_^

Back at Charterstone, trophy-wife Toby is paying her credit card bills and rhapsodizing over the beluga whale known as her husband, Dr. Ian Cameron. Ian’s kind of fun to have around (like poking a jellyfish with a long stick kind of fun), but is it just me, or does it seem that Toby is thinking about a shirtless (and maybe more) Ian?!

Someone suggested that this is the fault of the color-monkeys, and that Ian is merely wearing a peach-colored shirt.

Uh-huh.

Coupled with her mad devotion for Ian and the latest edition of “Romance” magazine, Toby’s mind wanders. Aimlessly. For hours.

Oh, my goodness! I just discovered (thanks to Gold-Digging Nanny from CC) that I’ve never posted Charterstone Fashion Quarterly Whenever, a guide to the sartorial splendors that all of those fabulous Santa Royale fashionistas are wearing! Yes, I know, you’re probably asking yourself, “How did I manage without this knowledge?”. You most likely managed very well.

Nevertheless, I’ll stick ’em up here. Bear in mind that this past Spring and Summer have also given us a bounty: Mary’s daring romper! Mary’s Pablo Cruise concert t-shirt! Toby’s “two hearts as one” pull-over! It might be time to pull together another installment…

More!

MORE!

MORE!

What’s been happening in Mary Worth, you might be thinking? If you’re lucky, you’re not thinking that at all.

Mary and Jeff made up, but rather than make-up sex or even a kiss, they platituded each other to near death at the Bum Boat (hey, I even made Runner-Up on CC’s Comment of the Week because of it! Yay!).

Now she’s platituding it up with Toby over lunch, or something that’s supposed to represent lunch. I’d usually let the slinging of bon mots (or more likely, mediocre mots) slide, particularly when Mary’s involved, but to invoke Shakespeare for such lame lunch chat is inexcusable. If you want to do that, Mary, go whole hog — and take your meddling padawan Toby with you!

…until you have firsts!

You know, I don’t think there’s been an exciting Mary Worth episode since Drew (Man-Whore!) was caught two-timing Vera and Dawn. That was over a year ago. Since then, there’s been sad-sack Drew (Man-whore!) discovering that Vera’s moved on; Mary finds a lost dog and returns it to its owner; and Mary reminisces about her incredibly non-incredible childhood. I wouldn’t mind a serial if there were at least a prize in it (HAR!).

So it seems Ron is a Thing of the Past, and whiny-but-constant Jeff is the once and future platonic boyfriend. Geez, if it were even a little more tepid than what we all think it is, I’d be happy…kinda like this.

Of course, Jeff’s probably Old School Me-Tarzan You-Jane, and for being The Man, Mary’ll probably have to do the compromising. At least she’s got some scruples…

Well, I can sort of call ’em.  Mary and Jeff are reunited! And heavens to Betsy! There’s even an affectionate moment! They touch! Each other!  (Of course, all of us with dirty minds can imagine what goes on after we’ve spent our requisite 30 seconds each day in the Charterstone universe…)

Sometimes, Mary, it isn’t a good idea to speculate (if you’re a pragmatist) or rhapsodize (if you’re a romantic) about “Where are they now?”…

And yet ANOTHER disappointing conclusion to a Mary Worth storyline! While Jeff begs and wheedles Mary to “pick up” and talk to him on the phone, Ron finds himself “too busy” to squire the Grande Dame of Charterstone around town and pick up the dinner check. Mary cheerfully wishes Ron good luck on his political career (someone from CC had mentioned her being in a sherry-enhanced fog), and THAT’S IT! No platitudes! No arguing! Nothing that would cause Mary to stamp off in a righteous huff!

Well, screw that!

CC contributor Red Greenback, on the topic of Mary Worth screening her calls, guessed that after Dr. Jeff got done boo-hooing and whinging for forgiveness, the next call would be from Bob Weber, Jr., the Man Behind the (Slylock) Fox. So I guess this isn’t just a meeting of the second and third dimensions (Mary and Red), but the third dimension squared (Mary and Red and Bob)! Whew! I’m sure the space-time continuum is fraying somewhere.

And that phone message in Panel One? All Red Greenback goodness!

GAH! Mary might meddle and pontificate something fierce, but Lord save us from 60-something whiners! Don’t tell me there aren’t bucketloads of women close to your age in Santa Royale, Jeff. And you being a la-di-dah doctor, trophy wives start out as trophy girlfriends.

Now shut up!