Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

I could never figure out how to put this little animation into one of the Mark Trail vs. Toxic Chemical-Dumping strips.  So here it is all by its lonesome.

Mark Trail diligently checks leads into who might be dumping barrels of toxic waste in the forest–the clues have led him not only to the Williams Chemical Company, but also to a face-to-face meeting with the head of the company, Ms. Williams herself.

I would’ve said the same thing to him.

And that’s why they don’t let me deal with the public.

(That’s Latin for “Meanwhile, back at the forest…”)

Mark is doggedly pursuing the trail of those dumped, toxin-containing barrels. Hiking, taking photographs, examining photographs, being distracted by the magnifying glass…slowly, his rage builds. Someone’s going to be for a good, old-fashioned Fist of Justice. But first:

Uh oh…dirty deeds in Lost Forest! Illegal dumping, and of hazardous materials, too!

Oh, for the good old days, when MRSA-infected wrestling mats were all we had to worry about! At least Mark, like Rex, has his much more competent colleague Andy, to assist…

And already, Mark’s encountering a real Cliff Hanger!

It always surprises me when a comic strip will toddle along for weeks, and other than reading it, I have absolutely no inclination to improve mash it.  I mean, Rusty kidnapped by 2/3’s of the Three Stooges?  That’s pretty sweet, all by itself, and I’ll just leave it alone (for the most part).

But THEN!!!  Along comes a Sunday Mark Trail about koalas.  Okay, I read a lot of the Sunday Mark Trails, and that’s about it. Koalas are cute and unique and all, but I’ll just leave them alone.

But THEN!!! I notice that there’s a FLYING KOALA! OMG!

How can I possibly resist?!? How can anyone resist???

Well, OF COURSE Mark is going to rescue Rusty and Sassy, and give those bad guys what for in the process.  But strange things have been going on in Lost Forest, or at least in the minds of the reads of Mark Trail.

CC commenter Esther Blodgett noted (based not only on the latest Mark Trail shenanigans and its ubiquitous Sciurus maximus, but also those going on in
9 Chickweed Lane (high heels being worn by everybody),
Mary Worth (proudly sporting her funeral director hospital docent name tag),
Funky Winkerbean (cancer! 24/7) and
Judge Parker (the attack of the 80s cheerleaders)):

…my dreams tonight are likely to feature a giant squirrel sporting six-inch heels, a nametag, and a bad 80s hairdo. And cancer, of course.

Which leads to all sorts of mashy goodness (although I think it would’ve been easier putting Barbie doll heels on a real squirrel…)

And quel surprise! Mark doesn’t come out punchin’, but tacklin‘!  Very cool.  Very athletic.  And in spite of it all, Mark reveals how much he loves a good surprise!  (Yep, these are genuine panels from “The Sick Little Girl’s Puppy is Puppynapped”; “Stinky or Sneaky or Whatever the Hell His Name Is Gets Chained to a Log” and “Boy, Is Rusty Dumb, or What?”.)  Can you imagine how excited Mark would be if Cherry threw him a surprise! birthday party?  He’d probably punch her in the nose.

Excuse me while I book my trip right now…

…or weird, earnest looks, either!

When we last saw our intrepid he-men, they were celebrating Judge Alan Parker’s retirement.  I like to think (just because this little mashup needs a back-story), that Randy Parker realizes how easily friendships can fade away, and he resolves to keep them strong! (And he gets bored having lunch with Sam Driver all the time.)

Panel 3 is the original: expression, words, bold type, you name it.  Panel 5 is a paraphrase of the original, with Rex asserting to Sarah that we have to help other people “…now more than ever!”, accompanied by Rex’s icy-blue stare of sincerity.  I swear, it was like a PSA for, um, something!

Update or something…: I couldn’t leave Randy & Co. at the Fern Grille without using yet another fabulous Rex reaction shot.   After this little soiree, Randy’s eating lunch at Subway.  Alone.  From now on.

It looks like Rusty is going to engineer his own escape from the bank robbers, if he doesn’t break a leg in the process.  But what’s more important, is some cuter than the dickens frames of his puppy Sassy.  If it weren’t for thugs in hot pursuit, this would be so totally Disney (come to think of it, a lot of the Disney classics do have hapless thugs…).

…you little snaggle-toothed pinhead.

Mark and Cherry both speculate that the men who stole your camera might be bad guys.  I don’t think that either of them go about blithely and consider the general public a Mongol horde, so what possesses you to vigilante action, Rusty?

Why don’t you just run home and tell Mark and Cherry where the men are, Rusty?

Or are you just as greedy and conniving as those men, Rusty?

Maybe you don’t deserve to be the Trails’ adopted little boy.  They’re good, upstanding members of their little woodlands community, Rusty.  Can you ever hope to measure up to them?

Probably not.  The greatest service you’re ever likely to provide to Lost Forest is as a breakfast for a grizzly one cold April morning.

Poor Rusty! You just know what’s going to happen to him when the bad guys discover him.

The sad thing, Rusty, living out in the middle of nowhere (i.e., Lost Forest) has his own little fantasy life, complete with speak-out-loud narrative, that makes him rather delusional and really isn’t going to help things…