By bats | July 10, 2008 - 12:06 pm
Posted in Category: So Pretty! So Pretentious!

…yes, more than a month of break-ups, hurt feelings, blame-spreading (nicely done, Edda — good to know if your knees break down, you can always make a career out of self-pity), and just about all of it boring.

Other than missing Solange and Mark (yeah, Seth, too), if a certain Creator’s heart isn’t in it, maybe he should just concentrate on one strip, and give us a five-days-a-week Pibgorn.

Comments Off on Over a month…
By bats | July 9, 2008 - 10:15 pm
Posted in Category: I Smell Something Funky

So Mopey Pete gets pulled over by a motorcycle cop in the Sunday strip (6 July). The dialog doesn’t matter (well, I guess it does, if you’re going for a comic strip). What matters is that Batuituitituik has apparently been getting his model inspirations from old Village People record covers.

Me? I just surf the ‘Net for Tom of Finland art. That’s a lot more fun…

(And yes, that is crappy, ungrammatical Finnish. If you’re burning to know what’s being said:

“Boxcar!” (well, actually “Train!”)
“Good morning!”
“Sorry. Very sorry. Very very sorry. Very very very –”
“Great! A telephone number!”
“Hah! A false telephone number! Loser!“.)

Comments Off on I swear I am not making this up…
By bats | - 10:02 pm
Posted in Category: Eww...BUTTer Tarts!

The “new” strips are back in the Foobiverse, and they finally are touching on all the fun and excitment of a wedding!

I just want to know why Liz, “Miss Hair-in-a-Bun 24/7” has her hair DOWN while Dee is working on cannibalizing raping mangling updating her grandmother’s wedding dress. This is the one time that her hair should be tucked up and away so poor, stupid, “if I do a really, really good job, maybe Elly will like me” Dee has half a chance of not having to cope with hair and pins and crap. I guess it’s to show off how well the Creatrix can draw an attractive and graceful human figure.

Of course, big noses are funny, so look quick, kids! It’s back to bulbous beezers and gargantuan asses tomorrow!

(If you didn’t see the original on 6 July, it was an awesome deluge of treacle.)

Comments Off on Joy unbounded…

So Judge Parker isn’t as rich as Croesus, and he’s trying to up the advance on his first novel from $25K to $75K! Not only does he enlist Sam’s help (whose specialty is neither intellectual property law or reviewing crappy first-time novels), but the Judge is forcing him to go to Phoenix to meet with the publisher.

And play golf.

For the record, the past month in Phoenix has been recording daily highs between 105F and 110F.

To my knowledge, there are no indoor golf courses in Phoenix.

Just get your pistol and shoot Sam in the farkin’ head, Alan.

At least one person (aside from the Judge) is glad to see Sam go…

Comments Off on Why don’t you just shoot him, Your Honor?
By bats | - 9:45 pm
Posted in Category: Most maryWorthy

And yet ANOTHER disappointing conclusion to a Mary Worth storyline! While Jeff begs and wheedles Mary to “pick up” and talk to him on the phone, Ron finds himself “too busy” to squire the Grande Dame of Charterstone around town and pick up the dinner check. Mary cheerfully wishes Ron good luck on his political career (someone from CC had mentioned her being in a sherry-enhanced fog), and THAT’S IT! No platitudes! No arguing! Nothing that would cause Mary to stamp off in a righteous huff!

Well, screw that!

Comments Off on Seriously, WTF?
By bats | July 6, 2008 - 2:12 pm
Posted in Category: Trust Me, I'm a Doctor

I figured having Max Mallory go careening off a cliff once would be plenty. But then! The Sunday (July 6) Rex Morgan, with Max screaming to his wife over his Bluetooth! Rex following him on a wild car chase! Max needing BLEACH BLEACH BLEACH!

Wow…too much goodness to ignore! (Max howling like a banshee in three primary colors is the Stuff of Snark!)

Comments Off on Trundling, Part 2
By bats | July 5, 2008 - 2:47 pm

So here it was, Independence Day 2008. Some comics ignored it (not uncommon for those with serialized story lines) and some celebrated it (Walt Wallet is wheeled out from his cryotank next to Walt Disney to have one huge, glorious panel of Uncle Sam costumes, flags, and the whole she-bang; Ted Forth is scared of a combination of fireworks and the “Imperial March” from ESB).

And then there are the Johnny-come-latelies. Or in this case, Dolly-come-lately.

“Oh, damn, it’s the Fourth of July, Dad…what are we gonna do?! Our fans are expecting something patriotic! Our Kidz are no Kommies!”
“Easy, son, we’ll have Dolly carrying a blue-and-red bucket, a flag flying in the background (woo hoo! fill that white space!)…and best of all, we’ll have her singing!”
“That’s great, Pop! Something like I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy, or My Country ‘Tis of Thee, or This Is My Country?”
“Even better! A song from a 1940’s B-musical that hardly anyone remembers! And we’ll have Dolly mess up the words in a cute, cute way!”
“WTF, Dad?”
“Shut up, Jeffy!”

Well, you can pretend all you want that the perpetual child Dolly would know a crappy 30’s vintage song in a crappy 40’s musical because her Granma might sing it in one of her delusional states. If I’m going to buy into the charade, I figure Dolly’s just as likely to sing one of the songs Granma heard when she was was young and sneaking into the Apollo and listening to all that weird, confusin’ music while jitterbugging and showing her underwear to all those people watching her and (not dead then) Granpa dance…

Of course, everything back to the usual on July 5. And all I can say to that is “Run, Jeffy! Run!”

Comments Off on “I’m a Yankee Doodle Dumbass…”
By bats | - 2:29 pm
Posted in Category: Trust Me, I'm a Doctor

For someone a little more sleek and streamlined, the current Rex Morgan plot might be ‘speeding,’ but when Max Mallory is involved, consider it lumbering or barreling or waddling.

Still, it’s all good!

Comments Off on Trundling toward a climax…
By bats | July 3, 2008 - 11:10 am
Posted in Category: Trust Me, I'm a Doctor

For a moment, I was distracted by all sorts of things in today’s Rex Morgan :

  • That awful, awful, mustard-colored tie (maybe it was another color originally, and Max had an issue with a condiment bottle at Joe’s Diner).
  • No way is that dorky Bluetooth going to make Max look as cool as Uhura with her stick-it-in-her-ear communicator or Count Morgu’s pointy ears.
  • Max Mallory, successful tele-attorney, drives a MINI-VAN!
  • Max the doughy attorney has a hot wife! (well, some people seem to think so…he apparently has a dumb-ass kid, too)

But, I shook all of that off and went back to the sweet, sweet justice unfolding here. If they’d only bought some new, sanitary soundproofing material from the Home Depot when Justin had asked them!

Comments Off on So many things wrong…
By bats | - 11:00 am
Posted in Category: Cameo Appearances

<rant>You know, if you CAN’T draw, and you think you can write, get a farkin’ collaborator! There’s still the chance you can’t write, either, but at least spare us these embarrassing panels.</rant>

(This is nasty, even without Rex passing judgment…)

Comments Off on Exhibit A: BAD comic strip art