Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

I was doodling around the intertubes a few days ago, and I found a website ( http://www.lookandlearn.com/blog/?p=92 ) with the following human (or cat. or snake.) interest story:

One day, in March 1967, four-year-old Wanda Viviers was playing happily on the lawn of her home in Johannesburg, South Africa. Suddenly, something made her turn — and there, slithering towards her, was a Ringhalls snake. Wanda had heard about these deadly creatures and she was terrified as the 5-foot-long reptile approached her. Suddenly, with a wild yowl, a bundle of creamy-brown fur hurled itself at the snake’s head. Wanda’s pet Siamese cat, Wong, had come to her rescue. The young cat pounced on the snake again and again, furiously clawing at its eyes and skin. Surprised by its unexpected attacker, the snake struck back. But Wong proved too much for it and the snake lay dead.

Neighbours came running over and comforted Wanda after her terrible shock. As for Wong, the brave little Siamese cat, his story appeared in newspapers throughout the world, and the P.D.S.A. in London awarded him a silver medal for his exceptional bravery.

That was pretty nifty, but what sealed the deal was a fabulous illustration by James E. McConnell, that shows the fearless Wong in action:

I just love the excitement of it all, the bright colors of a hot South African day, the sideways crabbing of the cat, and particularly the crazed look on the cat’s face.  That snake had a death wish.

Now, maybe this would’ve been the case with any breed of cat, but no. There’s nothing quite as psycho as a Siamese on a mission.  Of course, I do have evidence to back this up (and yes, this was a hoot to do):

Well, the gang at 9 Chickweed Lane has been skinny-dipping, pontificating, talking to God, God talking back and God considering changing all future members of the human race into sapient cockroaches, starting with Mr. and Mrs. Expriest’s baby.  Neither of them were keen on this idea, and there was a lot more exposition on the topic (“something something Death Star something“), that went on for way too long.

It appears that this turgid storyline will be wrapping up this month week, and it seems that it will have a happy ending.

[There really are occasional gems in this strip, but like real gems, there’s generally a mountain of dross and tailings to sift through before being rewarded.]

Just as things were heating up in Charley’s Love Pad (read, finally getting interesting), Delilah walks out the door!

Even worse, she leaves Mary a note and is last seen boarding a plane or a bus or a train or something.

Yeah, lady, don’t let the door hit you in the purple-clad ass on the way out.

I suppose, to be fair, one really has to analyze the expressions that play over Delilah’s face.  She may be saying one thing, but she’d definitely thinking another.  CC’s Dr. “Bobdog” gives his opinion of this definitely messed-up young woman:

And fortunately for perpetually-aroused Charley, this is NOT a case of Premature Evacuation (not if he has anything to say about it!):

Let’s see, Tom Batiuk shares “creative” honors with a guy name Ayers to churn out Crankshaft, evidently one of those postmodern, nihilistic comix of pain, irony and despair, usually relegated to a city’s alternative newspaper.

No.

What?

Oh, Crankshaft just looks like one of those comix.  I must’ve be confused with the recent storylines involving

• the death of an Alzheimer’s patient (and her not realizing an old flame of hers had been visiting her);
• a peek into Crankshaft’s future (in which he’s wheelchair-bound and conscripted to a nursing home);
• and this week, a small dog being bitten by a rattlesnake while in the wilds of a suburban Ohio backyard (apparently a myopic rattler, since it missed Crankshaft entirely).

The small dog/rattlesnake plot will continue next week.  I’m not holding out any hope for “Tinkerbelle,” but then, I’m not holding out any hope that this strip is ever going to improve, either.  At least I can provide an Alternate Universe and our buddy Barney…

The Sunday edition of Crankshaft doesn’t follow the weekly plots, for those newspapers who have the good taste to expose their readers to only limited amounts of this crap knee-slappin’ humor.  I guess it was just a coincidence that yardwork and animals figure into it:

And is anything more relaxing that kampin’ with the Keanes?

Don’t forget the popc0rn! And lots and lots of butter…

Sadly, Rex and his family are still sailing to Bora Bora or Betelguese…or are they?

So we’ve spent the last week watching Delilah taking crap from her husband Lawrence, growing stronger and more determined to Show Him.  She’s changed into her purple Jumpsuit of Seduction and marched over to Charley’s condo.  She’s even knocked on the door and made the requisite small talk with the Booty Call of Her Dreams.

And then she gets spooked by the art hanging on his walls! No, I am not making this up!

To make matters worse, it appears to emulate Vargas’ girls from the 40s and 50s, swimsuit-clad cuties with tiny dogs or picnic baskets or umbrellas an’ towels for a fun day at the beach.

WTF?

Oh, Delilah, you’ve let me down.  At least I can pretend that Charley’s choice in art is truly repulsive and you have a reason to act like a 16-year-old debutante:

Now, we can continue this tour of Charley’s condo (which is fun, if you like to see Delilah reeling and listing as her eyes are assaulted by depictions of real people), or, like Charley, we can know when to cut bait:

WAIT! Maybe Delilah isn’t such a Goody Two-Shoes! She’s toughing it out, settling on Charley’s loveseat (snort! don’t take a UV light to that one!), and accepting a little hospitality from Mr. Quagmire Smith.  You go, girl!

And it looks like those bubble are going straight to her head!  Then again, you have to admit that Charley is one Smooth Talker…

You go, Charley!

There’s been much speculation on Delilah’s new outfit:

• Assistant to a supervillain.
• Stewardess on the Concord (hence the grape color).
• Erstwhile auto mechanic.
• Pole dancer in her “Grease Monkey Lube Job” routine’s costume.

All of them commendable, I think, but I’m going for another exciting episode of The Craptacular X-Men.

Well, we did know that this argument would really lead Delilah to Charley’s, and it’s likely that the Jumpsuit of Virtue will protect her.  Still, like Logan on the park bench, we can dream…

One can only hope the purple jumpsuit was one of Lawrence’s favorites as well…

The 27 July 2009 strip had only two panels, with Delilah crossing her fingers behind her back!  I know she’s young, but does she still believe that doing this absolves or protects a person from the consequences of telling a lie / being caught in the middle of an illicit sexual liaison / the heartbreak of psoriasis?  I don’t think she’s being coy, but rather hiding her pre-coital glee:

Other cool aspects of the 29 July strip is the unusual angles, like this one (where you can imagine Bob the Maintenance Man smiling to see just what Delilah is hiding) and a “smoke alarm cam shot,” as Charley opens the door.

Yes, this wouldn’t be half as much fun if Wolverine weren’t guest-spotting in Spiderman…

Friday’s episode was odd.  Only two panels, Mary (and JEFF!) in one, playing some sort of game and Jeff looking seriously whacked out.  The second panel has Delilah looking quite dashing in a purple jumpsuit (of course it was closed to the neck. of course I fixed that.), mad as hell.  Not that it really made any sense to mash up, but that’s never stopped me before.