Snark It Up, FuzzBall!

If this is the end of the storyline, why the *&$#*$ is it taking so long?  Really, Moy and Giella, it was a lot more entertaining watching Charley putting the moves on Delilah rather than Lawrence basking in the glow of a mindless audience that probably does a lot of post-2 AM ordering of merchandise on the Home Shopping Network.

I’m really hoping that the plot is NOT a tidy wrap-up of Twue Wuve bringing Delilah and Lawrence together.  Boring and unrealistic (but we are talking about Mary Worth, aren’t we?)…

Hmm, I’m not even interfering (for once) and a lot of Lawrence’s facial expressions and comments seem anything but exuberant at the prospect of Delilah “dropping in” at his conference/seminar/snake oil pitch.  Could be his naturally detached personality.  Could be trouble in Paradise.

Me? I’m hoping for the latter.

And it goes on and on!  I swear, if I heard some clown warbling Rogers and Hammerstein in a hotel corridor, Security would be up there in a minute.

Fortunately, it looks like Delilah might soon have *things* well in hand.

Snerk!

Meanwhile… CC’s Darrenh noticed the foreshadowing of Events to Come with Lawrence sensuously sliding the key card into the lock.  He wasn’t the only one:

Thank you, Stan Lee, George Lucas, and everyone else who lets us say “What if…?”!

But “what if” Delilah reunited with her one true much older, emotionally-distant love?  Anything’s possible in the MW AU!

And “what if” Lawrence Jonis is not only a Doctor of Philosophy but also a TOTAL HOTTIE?!?

Suggested by CC’s Spectacular Spider-Brick; that’s all I’m sayin’…

In Mary Worth’s perfect little world, goodness is rewarded.  Bad people are punished, or worse, shunned like a veritable Amish with an iPod.

Well, that’s how it goes in her little world.

And the next day’s strip has Delilah hoping that her marriage can work.  That’s all well and good, but Mr. Dr. PhD Lawrence doesn’t seem to be attending high-end academic conferences throughout the world (cripes, even Chinbeard Cameron goes to seminars at universities!) so much as headlining inspirational, motivational talks, loaded with platitudes that would embarrass even Mary Worth herself, at what appears to be off-ramp Holiday Inn Express meeting rooms:

Just as things were heating up in Charley’s Love Pad (read, finally getting interesting), Delilah walks out the door!

Even worse, she leaves Mary a note and is last seen boarding a plane or a bus or a train or something.

Yeah, lady, don’t let the door hit you in the purple-clad ass on the way out.

I suppose, to be fair, one really has to analyze the expressions that play over Delilah’s face.  She may be saying one thing, but she’d definitely thinking another.  CC’s Dr. “Bobdog” gives his opinion of this definitely messed-up young woman:

And fortunately for perpetually-aroused Charley, this is NOT a case of Premature Evacuation (not if he has anything to say about it!):

Sadly, Rex and his family are still sailing to Bora Bora or Betelguese…or are they?

So we’ve spent the last week watching Delilah taking crap from her husband Lawrence, growing stronger and more determined to Show Him.  She’s changed into her purple Jumpsuit of Seduction and marched over to Charley’s condo.  She’s even knocked on the door and made the requisite small talk with the Booty Call of Her Dreams.

And then she gets spooked by the art hanging on his walls! No, I am not making this up!

To make matters worse, it appears to emulate Vargas’ girls from the 40s and 50s, swimsuit-clad cuties with tiny dogs or picnic baskets or umbrellas an’ towels for a fun day at the beach.

WTF?

Oh, Delilah, you’ve let me down.  At least I can pretend that Charley’s choice in art is truly repulsive and you have a reason to act like a 16-year-old debutante:

Now, we can continue this tour of Charley’s condo (which is fun, if you like to see Delilah reeling and listing as her eyes are assaulted by depictions of real people), or, like Charley, we can know when to cut bait:

WAIT! Maybe Delilah isn’t such a Goody Two-Shoes! She’s toughing it out, settling on Charley’s loveseat (snort! don’t take a UV light to that one!), and accepting a little hospitality from Mr. Quagmire Smith.  You go, girl!

And it looks like those bubble are going straight to her head!  Then again, you have to admit that Charley is one Smooth Talker…

You go, Charley!

There’s been much speculation on Delilah’s new outfit:

• Assistant to a supervillain.
• Stewardess on the Concord (hence the grape color).
• Erstwhile auto mechanic.
• Pole dancer in her “Grease Monkey Lube Job” routine’s costume.

All of them commendable, I think, but I’m going for another exciting episode of The Craptacular X-Men.

Well, we did know that this argument would really lead Delilah to Charley’s, and it’s likely that the Jumpsuit of Virtue will protect her.  Still, like Logan on the park bench, we can dream…

One can only hope the purple jumpsuit was one of Lawrence’s favorites as well…

The 27 July 2009 strip had only two panels, with Delilah crossing her fingers behind her back!  I know she’s young, but does she still believe that doing this absolves or protects a person from the consequences of telling a lie / being caught in the middle of an illicit sexual liaison / the heartbreak of psoriasis?  I don’t think she’s being coy, but rather hiding her pre-coital glee:

Other cool aspects of the 29 July strip is the unusual angles, like this one (where you can imagine Bob the Maintenance Man smiling to see just what Delilah is hiding) and a “smoke alarm cam shot,” as Charley opens the door.

Yes, this wouldn’t be half as much fun if Wolverine weren’t guest-spotting in Spiderman…

Friday’s episode was odd.  Only two panels, Mary (and JEFF!) in one, playing some sort of game and Jeff looking seriously whacked out.  The second panel has Delilah looking quite dashing in a purple jumpsuit (of course it was closed to the neck. of course I fixed that.), mad as hell.  Not that it really made any sense to mash up, but that’s never stopped me before.

…the more would-be sluts will slip through your fingers.”

I think this was the line in the R-rated version of Star Wars.

Anyway, I think both Mary Worth and Lawrence the Famous Lecturer-Husband are finding this out the hard way.  Okay, Delilah does call Lawrence, and the conversation is punctuated by nasty scowls on Lawrence’s part and snarky commentary made to his wife (no kidding…look up the 20 July 2009 strip).

And making Delilah into a U.S.D.A. Grade-A Tramp? Is it fun? You bet it is!

[In the event that you’re having a difficult time deciding, Delilah, Mooncattie would like it known that his car is paid for.]

This being Mary Worth, the conversation goes on and on and on.  In real life, someone would’ve hung up by now.   But it makes for keen mashups!