Susan Smith continues to plead her case for choosing a two-person play that’s frankly a real downer and would challenge the best professional actor to interpret.  Of course, this means lots and lots of words and whoppin’ big caption balloons at the expense of (admittedly dull) cartoon drawings.

How about shutting up, Ms. Smith?  I don’t think you’re really impressing the parents with all your big words and profound insights, and I think you might not be improving your chanced with Les, either…

Time and space have folded again in Santa Royale, and Dr. Adrian Cory, who was presented a diamond that evidently was mined in a plutonium deposit only last night, has decided, SEVERAL WEEKS LATER, to start wearing it.   Not so much wearing it, but flaunting it like some cut-rate Marilyn Monroe.

Funny, when I was taking a surgery class a long time ago in college, just about any kind of ring was an honest pain in the butt and always had to be removed before scrubbing up for surgery.  Which leads to all sorts of speculations as to where Adrian keeps it when she’s working or whether Adrian works at all, or merely wanders the halls of the hospital, looking  for someone to ooh and aah all over her ring.  I’m thinking in another day or so, the folks from Hazardous Waste or the Radiation Department are going to corner her and cut off her finger…if it hasn’t already been fried off by gamma rays.

Speaking of radioactive personalities:

Meanwhile in Cancerville, Les and Susan are being castigated by the members of the PTA for Susan’s choice of the fall play at Westview High School (Home of the Fightin’ Polyps!).  Eh, who cares what the play really is?  I’ve got a couple of Playbills here that would run rings around just about any choice these dinks might come up with.

CC’s AeroSquid found this likely candidate:

Meanwhile, here’s a tribute to the PTA spokesman, Mr. Buzzcut “Buzz” McHamNads:

[If you want to laugh up a lung with potential play titles and canceriffic high school musical lyrics, check out the comments at The Comics Curmudgeon’s “Cancer? That’s hilarious!” thread, http://joshreads.com/?p=4017 ]

It’s been an exciting day for Rusty and Mark, catching fish, hearing gunshots in the distance, unhooking gators from poachers’ hook lines.  No doubt things are going to settle down after cocoa and toasted marshmallow:

Well, sorta (now where did I put my corkscrew?):

Back to Mark and Rusty’s adventures in the Lost Swamp in a minute.  First we’re saluting some of the great tiger art in Dick Tracy.  Yes, while the art in Dick Tracy is getting more and more cubist (along with Dick’s pudgy little fingers), the current storyline, set in a circus, is giving someone all sorts of opportunity to draw some fabulous tigers.  They’re even Mark Trail worthy!

Of couse, nobody listens to us, so it’s up to CC’s AeroSquid and yours truly to demonstrate just how easy a crossover between these two old warhorse comic strips can be:

Diana is in danger.

Not just danger…dangerous danger, as can only be foreseen by Old Man Mozz!

Can we get on with the story, please?

I don’t follow Luann, but hey, this week it’s about sex! Specifically, Luann’s older brother Brad is apparently having that long overdue “talk” with Pa Degroot.  Sure, it’s all about love, relationships, long-term commitment, but Ma Degroot pops in on Friday to cut to the chase with a single word: Protection.

Be all high-minded and sanctimonious that you like, Pa and Brad, but you really shouldn’t ignore that 800-pound gorilla in the room (yeah, the one wearing the glow-in-the-dark condom).  Snort:

Snicker!

Yeah, but this probably what really transpired:

And the one saving grace:  nosy kid sister Luann, who simply needs all the juicy details.  For once, Brad obliges:

Oh, wait wait wait! One more!

Back in Santa Royale,   Dr. Adrien Cory’s beau has proposed marriage, yet they both decide that they don’t need to rush into things.

Oh, did I mention that Scott Hewlett (beau-in-question) is a detective or cop or some officer of the peace that you just know has become a marked man in the upcoming Santa Royale heroin turf-war.  Nice knowing you, Scott.

In the meantime, CC’s mvg thought it might be cool that Scott, like cops of old (read, 1970s and 80s television cop shows and cop films) had a partner.  And who more unlikely (tapping into the formula of unlikely partners) than our old friend, Charley “the Perv” Smith?  Oh. Yeah.

All the blank space made me itch a little, so indulge me a word balloon or two:

…and by that we mean absolutely no conceivable place in Africa, either past or present. And the future is unlikely, too:

Still, is this really the danger Old Man Mozz fears for Diana? Really? REALLY?

I think not.

AH….that’s more like it!

I’m not an artist or an illustrator, and human figures, particularly facial features and expressions, can be damnably difficult to capture.  Still, if you *are* a professional artist, at least make the effort! Sheesh.

Here we have some goober actually proposing to Dr. Adrian “Clueless” Cory, and she couldn’t be less focused on that massive engagement ring.  Or more horrified: